Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde…

In his defense, I have to say that he has always been an attentive, loving husband to me.  I never quite understood why or how he did certain things.  But I trusted him and knew he would always do what was best for our family.  He has always been considerate to me, thinking of me at times when I didn’t even consider myself.  But that side of him would always appear.  Striking out mostly at the kids, or in a silent, brooding manner that was unnerving to be around.

But I would wait.  And after three days or so , laughter would fill the house.  A family day would be in order and we would play and eat and laugh, often spending money we couldn’t afford to spend.  And it was great.  the perfect marriage and the perfect man.  This is why I say it wasn’t he who changed, it was me.  I grew tired of the down days, the grumpy days, the brooding.  Why can’t I have Mr. Hyde in my life everyday?  Now see here we go again with the attitude.  Why should we have to suffer when we did nothing to deserve your silence, your snappiness?

It didn’t occur to me that he was suffering, too.

We sat down and had a talk about it a couple of weeks ago and I told him I was fed up. I told him I was tired of waiting for him to get his act together and that I was ready to move n without him and his moods.  He said he could tell by my attitude that this was the case. 

 Then he surprised me by saying “Did it ever occur to you that i could easily be doing something else with my time and money. I could have walked away a long time ago and just did me, whatever that is.  But THIS is me, this is my family that I have worked hard to build.  This is my blood, sweat and tears and the best thing that i have ever done. I may not be a Sheikh, able to quote hadith and ayat of quran at a drop of a hat.  I know I do things that by most would be considered doubtful or negligent.  But I keep trying.  I keep getting up.  Somedys, I am weaker than others but I don’t make excuses.  I wade through it all and I do better when I am able to do better. I don’t want to be like this, but this is the test that Allah gave me.  Now, If you can negate everything that you know about me and what we have accomplished as a family, maybe we need to part as you suggest.” 

I was beyond confused and stung.  He made me sound really selfish, arrogant and unyielding.  As if I was only thinking of my own feelings and not the welfare of our family as a whole….   Was he correct?

Khayr Insha’allah