Posts Tagged ‘rants’

So I have applied to like 10 different online jobs, and so far noone has responded. I did get a position with Amazon Mechanical Turks, but a lot of the assignments are hours of work for pennies in wages. For example, I had to write an original recipe for beef short ribs and upload an original picture for a website. How much did I make? 25 cents! My husband laughs at me when I say I am “working” and makes snide remarks about my “wages”, but when I whip out his bank card at the store he has a fit. “Ummie,” (yes, he calls me Ummie) “what did you by for $6.35? You think I’m made out of money? Keep it up and I’m gonna take my card back!!!”

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!!! You’ve been threatening to do that for months!! I’m tired of having to explain every purchase I make. I can’t buy a pack of cookies without getting the third degree? Thats why I want to have my own income. FREEDOM!!!! (except the 30+ hours it will take per day to acquire said freedom).

A job will also help me in my hijrah obsession plans. I can save some money towards our tickets. My alternate plan sounds a bit desperate so I will save that for another post.

I am really hoping to do something from home so if anyone has any job leads, feel free to share. In the meantime, this position sounds a bit do-able, although it doesn’t give an end date:



  • Emotionally, Physically and Mentally stable brother for young sister, born muslim and raised in Islam.
  • Must be committed to the deen and to making a family and marriage work.
  • Must not be immature, insane, or have issues (of any sort).
  • Must not be Sufi, Shia, ultra-salafy or otherwise engaged in extremist activities.
  • Must not have “baby mama drama”, venereal disease, drug addictions, arrest records, warrants, violent tendencies, sexual deviance, outstanding debts or be guilty of chronic matrimonicide.
  • Must understand the meaning of being muslim and genuinely interested in pleasing Allah.
  • Serious inquiries only, please. All others please note… this is a life or death situation, misrepresentation can be hazardous to your health.
  • Warning…  violaters will be dealt serious, painful, life-threatening consequences.

Obama is The Knock-Kneed Abysinnian..

Posted: March 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
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And I don’t mean that as a racial slur either. But why else would the American-Powers-That-Be allow a black man to be President. Don’t tell me that all of a sudden they are growing a conscience or that he is just the “right man for the job.” Noone even knew who he was a few years ago. When Jesse “the-question-is-moot” Jackson ran, all hell broke loose, and in my mind he was far more credible.

So what’s up with that? Prophet prophesied that the Kaba would be destroyed close to the time of the hour. In an excerpt from Tafsir Ibn Kathir, it reads:

The two Sahih’s recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah
(saw) said: ” The Ka’bah will be destroyed by Dhus-Sawiqatayn (literally, a
person with two lean legs) from Ethiopia.” Also, Ibn Abbas said that the
Prophet(saw) said: “As if I see him now: a black person with thin legs
plucking thestones of the ka’bah one after another.” Al-Bukhari recorded
this hadith.

Not that it matters so much, as we do not worship the Ka’bah. But it seems a
bit interesting and makes you wonder how soon before we actually see the
appearance of the dajjal.

Introducing…..The Muslim Popsicle!!!

Posted: March 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
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I should have known it wasn’t a good idea when my husband happily chose work over spending what I considered “quality” time with our kids. I think I heard him laugh when he said “You can go if you want, but I have to work.” (chuckle, chuckle)

I should have known it was a bad idea when I realised at the last minute he had took the car with him to work and left me with the problem of finding a ride for me and all six of our kids to go. Who has room in their car for that many people? I ended up having to ask two different sisters to each take half of us, leaving the “Teen Queen”, the “Love Bug” and the “Samurai” home to wait, while I drive off with the other three boys (who I have yet to dub with nick names so just bear with me on that).
I should have known it was not a good idea to go when the buttons on my abayah kept popping open (which drives me crazy) making me feel half dressed (having a BHD– Bad Hijab Day) and self conscious.
I should have known but I went anyway…. trust your instincts people it’s a good thing.
Our masjid had a family picnic and it was as cold as (h.e.double hockey-sticks).
I was literally freezing and shaking. We got there (on top of a mountain no less) and I spread out a few blankets on the hillside, preparing to offer my salat and sit and listen to the lectures that they were about to give and noticed some of my body parts going numb. I made the takbir, made ruku then sudjood and prostrated….. in a puddle of water. The grass was saturated. So now I am WET and freezing and shaking. I am now forced to pray on the hard ground which happens to be in the shade. Cold-Sun = Colder. What kind of concentration in prayer can you have while looking like a break dancer? I was shaking that hard.
I convinced some other popsicles, I mean sisters to help me move a picnic table into the sun and we all sat huddled and shivering there trying to eat (cold food) and listen to the remembrance of Allah. It was 40 degrees and dropping fast. We gave new meaning to the words “Sisterhood and Unity,” as we hugged each other and rubbed each others hands and tried to share as much bodyheat as we could spare. Did I mention that they also gave away free ice cream as well? It’s hard for me (a natural born conspiracy theorist) not to believe that someone was doing this to us on purpose. Perhaps some FBICIA agent was hiding in the trees getting a good laugh at our expense.
The kids had a wonderful time though. The lecture was amazingly good and my husband laughed at us all when he got home from work.

Say My Name…

Posted: March 20, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Notice to inlaws, school officials, doctors, nurses and every person that was not previously mentioned but falls under this particular category. If you can successfully pronounce:
  • Jagermiester
  • Schlitz
  • Courvoisier
  • Alize

Or words like…

  • acute peritonsillar abruptio placentae
  • phyenylketonuria
  • Schizophreniform Histrionic Cyclothemic Disorder


  • Lamborghini Marcielago
  • Peugeot Coupe Cabriolet

Then you CAN pronounce my children’s names…. you know you can!!!

My Ummah, Con’td

Posted: March 15, 2008 in Uncategorized
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If you thought my “Ummah,” posts were interesting, you may be interested in this entry on a sister’s blog I stumbled across. She expressed the sentiment much more eloquently than I did, masha’allah…

Haven’t read all of her posts but this one I definetly could relate to.

Can You Sell Your Kids To The Circus?

Posted: March 15, 2008 in Uncategorized
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You know, I always thought that as my children got older, my job would become easier and easier. What a joke! Older kids are messier, sassier and du-uhm…more mentally challenged (wink, wink) than younger kids. Just the other day my teenage daughter was ironing our niqabs, in a hurry to go shopping with her father. The Teen Queen as she will be referred to heretofore in this alleged incident (and other areas of my blog) finishes mine and places it over the back of a chair. As I am tying the thing on, I am greeted by a strange smell.

My fellow niqabis know what I’m talking about. How many times have you put on your niqab and smelled the smell. Kinda reminiscent of cat breath.

Me: “Ew, what is that smell?”

TTQ: “What smell?

Me: “I don’t know. (sniff, sniff) Some weird smell. Smells like cat breath.”

As I turn for the febreeze (that I make myself with fabric softener and water. Try it girls you’ll like it) I hear a bloodcurdling scream followed by peals of unrestrained laughter.

You can only guess what she does if you live with a being of the “teen” persuasion. Yes, she smelled the hot, steaming iron.

I mean she was cracking up. My husband looks around in a panic asking what happened. All I could do was stand there looking at her in incredulity (yes I can still use big words after 6 kids and 6 c-sections…. that’s another post though). I guess she thought that since she had just ironed the niqab, maybe the suspect smell came from the iron. Shes lucky she didnt burn her nose off.

I only regret that I didn’t catch it on camera and publish it on