Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

When we married some 16 years ago, I knew that he had a rough life coming up, I knew he had been incarcerated before, but most of the young people from his city had been, both young men and women.  We were immediately attracted to one another, almost on a chemical level, like we had the same blood flowing though our veins.I could totally be myself around him. We laughed a lot and he was very attentive and protective and involved. 

We had a whirlwind romance  and we secretly felt sorry for other couples that couldn’t possibly relate on all the levels that we did. I was the happy housewife, popping out babes bi-yearly and he was the hardworking man of the house, passionately doing whatever he could to provide for his wife and kids.  It was due to this passion and hard work, I thought, that was the reason for his periodic bad moods.  What man does’nt occasionally come home from work and not want to be bothered.  So, I would do my job.  Hush up the kids, bring him his dinner, rub his shoulders and ask how his day was.  He would grumble something, eat and go straight to bed.  No problem, maybe with some snuggles and cuddles he would loosen up a bit.  But no, this mood would last about 3 or 4 days after which, he would be his cheerful, playful self again.  We were married for about 8 years before things would shift and change.  Inside of me.  I think the change really occurred inside of me.  More later, insha’allah.

Khayr Insha’allah

What the hezzy and fa-sheezy!!! This government intervention crap has to stop. They are so all up in the family business that pretty soon children will be hiring lawyers to take their parents to court to litigate time outs and groundings.

“Your honor, the plaintiff, 9-year old Bobby contends that his mother, a frustrated and overly concerned derelict is unduly stalking and harrassing him causing serious mental distress by constantly inquiring about the status of his homework and chores. She is also being charged of unlawful search and seizure of his property, which is listed as exhibit 1 (a nintendo gameboy) and exhibit 2 (a nintendo x-box 360).  The charges of wiretapping (interrupting his phone calls to call him to dinner) and slander (telling his father about his so-called bad behaviour) are being contested by the defendant.  We call our first witness, Bobby 6 year old sister Janey to the stand.”

The source of this particular rant comes from a news article that you can read below:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090422/ap_on_re_us/us_fed_up_mom_8

These kids were 10 and 12, which means they can walk to school by themselves, walk to the store by themselves, even to Timmy’s house but they can’t be left in a populated downtown area to drive around the corner to teach them a lesson? This is just another incident to destroy the influence parents have over their children. To undermine the authority of the parent in the life of the child.  This kind of thing drives me crazy.

…and Allah’s help we seek.

 

I Know it’s true but I just can’t face it

I Know it’s hard but who can erase it?

The time has past and it’s not coming back

The years are stacked, but how did I lose track?

You’re all grown up now, almost a woman now

I remember the days you needed me

To show you how

How to walk, how to talk

How to eat, how to live

How not to be like me, how to share and to give

But now you’re telling me that your thoughts are your own

You’re really scaring me, almost a woman full-grown

I want to hold on to my baby-girl

And hide you away from the cold, cruel world

But hey!

I have hope, Allah is my rope

I know I taught you right; All day and night

I showed you courage and strength; to have honor and dignity

These are the lessons you learned from me

In this world, Islam is a pot of gold and more

Whoever doesn’t have it is shabby and poor

Hold on to this wealth and spend it on the needy

Make it your cloak and your reward will come speedily

Make me proud to say that’s my little girl

Do good deeds patiently; don’t be dazzled by the life of this world

This place is just a lie 

Smoke and mirrors that glitter

Let me paint you a true picture

It’s like standing on a height, looking down on a valley

Of diamonds as far as the eye can see

They sparkle and shine; all you want is about nine

So you rush down down

full-speed ahead

Into the midst of life; you feel no dread

Until

You reach the bottom of the hill

And you enter the valley of diamonds thinking can this be real?

All of a sudden you feel a sharp pain in your feet

As you look down in fright

You can’t retreat

What you wanted you have come to at last

But instead of a valley diamonds 

You find a field of sharp glass

That’s how it is; it’s not what it seems

The life of this world can be cruel and mean

 So slow down, be patient and not in such a rush

Take this advice from someone you can trust

You’re all grown up now, almost a woman now

But guess what

I can still show you how.

If you weren’t there, then you must be a square, or half of a square which makes a big, fat “L” and you know what that means… LOSER!!!

Seriously though, all of my kids fasted this year, three of which are pre-teens. They excitedly prayed tarawih prayers either at the masjid or at home (masha’allah, tabarakallah alaihim) so we decided to cough up the cash (and I mean pneumonia, bubonic plague type coughs) to treat them to this event. It was pretty awesome. The night before, the kids thought they would get to stay up all night, not! Their plot was discovered and they were promptly sent to bed at midnight. The next day, we stayed up after fajr. Dressing and grooming took place and we loaded up the car for the 3 hour drive to six flags. Our itinerary went something like this:

  1. Very Long Car Ride: We slept, HB drove. He considers us all traitors for not even offering stimulating conversation while he drove for 3 hours.
  2. We arrived in Jackson, NJ and gave the kids a potty break at the nearest gas station. While we were there and HB was getting some much needed mud-in-a-cup, the strangest thing occurred. The trees started to dance wildly as the wind blew. Their limbs bobbed and swayed dramatically. TQ said “It looks like their saying Allahu Akbar.” It really did. As we looked up at the the overcast sky, you could see the clouds being pushed towards the horizon. Small patches of blue could be seen through the spaces between. Just then, several cars drove up, about 4. All were muslim families arriving before entering the park. We love to see other muslims and we took these as signs that it would be a joyful, fun filled day.
  3. Our first stop was a drive through the safari, which was awesome. We saw herds of antelope crossing the street, ostriches with beautiful feathers and giraffes licking peoples cars. We saw lots of cattle like animals that I don’t know the name of (HB kept making references to steak, hunting and knowing how to tie a buffalo to the roof of our car) Samurai boy kept screaming “Let’s go to the park now! I don’t want to see the stupid animals!” After about 20 or so screeches like this from the back seat with the same answer of “Be patient, little boy,” we hear “Excuse me, excuse me, Abu. Can we please go to the park now, hunh? Can we, hunh? Please?” More polite of course but still the same answer, sorry dude.
  4. We arrive at the park gates, only to be suprised to know that parking is an additional $15 dollars!! WHAT!?! That wasn’t on the brochure. We fork over the (extra) cash and walk the distance to the park. I guess $15 is for cheap in-the-boondocks parking, imagine what the good parking must have cost.
  5. It really was just as they said it would be. Nasheeds played over the park speakers. Islamic goods of all kinds were being vended and the kids tried to ride every ride in the park. The athan was called for every salat as the people gathered to perform the prayer in the open air. HB decided to be super-dad and take daredevil extraordinaire TQ on a rollercoaster. He thought he was getting on the Batman and ended up on the Nitro. When they returned, HB was ranting about cruelty and inhumane treatment, evil, satan and how he would never ride another ride again in life. TQ called him a sissy but he was too upset about the ride to admonish her about it.
  6. I feared that the younger kids would get lost somehow, but in actuality it was I who traversed the path of the misplaced. Yep, big, grown-up me. I was lost for about an hour, and after walking from one end of the park to the other (twice) I found my family and was ready to leave. We packed it up, got in the car and drove to the nearest rest area to sleep for an hour and a half. We he was too exhausted to drive so we all took a nap. Before falling into dreamland, HB and I and suprisingly TQ sat in the food court drinking coffee, tea and soda respectively. The mood was somber as we watched a portion of the Palin-Boldin (or whatever his name is) debates. HB and I kept exchanging tired looks that could be read as “tired of lying candidates, tired of politics and tired of a full day of entertaining the kids.” TQ summed it up very nicely by saying “That Palin lady and that other guy, what’s his name are both so annoying.” You said it sister! We finally got it back on the road and arrived safely and soundly at our house at approx. 3:30 in the AM.

May Allah subhana wa ta’ala except all of our fasts, forgive our sins and increase us in emaan with blessings and goodness in this life and the next…. ameen.

The conversation went like this (and I couldn’t make something like this up if I tried, I love it):

TQ: Are you coming to our iftar Jamilah?

JM: Ummmm, let me ask my Ummie. She says what are you all cooking?

TQ: We’re having soul food.

JM: What’s soul food, TQ? Ummie she said som kind of soul food.

TQ: You know black people food, african american people food?

JM: Hmmmm, let me look it up on Wikipedia.

(after actually looking soul food up on wikipedia)

JM: Wow, that sounds great, boy thats alot of food. We’ll be partying if we have all of that food…. Minus the prok of course, I’m sure we won’t be having that.

I love muslim teenagers (sometimes).

This was not intended to be a Polygyny blog. But it seems like thats all I talk about lately. I guess it does kind of consume you. There is life outside of polygyny. So what else am I doing you ask?

1.  I got a job. I figured sitting around the house “waiting for my turn,” was a bit destructive for the mind so I got a job. I haven’t worked in about 7 or 8 years. But I figure I can soak my sorrows in frappucinos and shopping sprees and it will make me feel better. Newsflash…. Working sucks! I miss my kids, I am tired when I get home and the caffeine prevents me from sleeping.

2. I am doing this extremely cool class that a brother in NY posted on youtube. He is so energized! He has a class on arabic and another on tafseer qur’an. If you are an arabic addict like me, you will thoroughly enjoy it. Just go to youtube.com and type in ABU TAUBAH. The bomb!

3.  Preparing for Ramadhan. This weekend, we will be going over fasting and the rulings pertaining to Ramadhan with the kids. I look forward to the iftars with my co-wife and doing things as a family. Despite the fitnah, I enjoy having the big family. I enjoy seeing all the kids play together. I enjoy seeing my husband make sure we both are doing well and have what we need. Oops, Polygyny again. I plan to, insha’allah…

  • Read the Qur’an more, (english and arabic).
  • De-stress, relax and increase my prayers.
  • make istighfar (seek forgiveness for my sins) daily or hourly if I can.
  • feed the people, this is an important aspect of Ramadhan few people take advantage of.

4. Getting ready for school. The kids go back next week. So much to do, still have to get last minute school supplies.

See I do have a life.  TQ and her siblings think I am going crazy. She reads my blog sometimes and she just shakes her head. She suggested we all get Ruqya done (it’s hard for her to understand the emotional ups and downs and changes). I don’t understand it either. But I’m getting the hang of it all I think.

Wanted….!

  • Emotionally, Physically and Mentally stable brother for young sister, born muslim and raised in Islam.
  • Must be committed to the deen and to making a family and marriage work.
  • Must not be immature, insane, or have issues (of any sort).
  • Must not be Sufi, Shia, ultra-salafy or otherwise engaged in extremist activities.
  • Must not have “baby mama drama”, venereal disease, drug addictions, arrest records, warrants, violent tendencies, sexual deviance, outstanding debts or be guilty of chronic matrimonicide.
  • Must understand the meaning of being muslim and genuinely interested in pleasing Allah.
  • Serious inquiries only, please. All others please note… this is a life or death situation, misrepresentation can be hazardous to your health.
  • Warning…  violaters will be dealt serious, painful, life-threatening consequences.