Archive for June, 2011

I consider myself a nice person.  I smile alot and I speak to people respectfully.  I also tend to distance myself from sour negative people.  Unkind people, mean-spirited people who always have something desparaging to say.  This aversion is why this issue is such a kill-switch between myself and my husband.  He becomes all those things when he goes through his moods.  All of them and it makes me crazy.  After years of trying to push him out of his moods.  After years and finally realizing it was not pressure from work, or tiredness or frustration. After years of realizing that there was no way to stop it except to wait.  I just became fed up.  It felt like I lived on  rollercoaster ride.  Dealing with the plunging, heartwrenching, nerve stripping down turns for the uplifting, euphoric exciting upturns only to go down once again.

I began to see there were no more excuses to make when he lost his job.  There was no more work as a pressure and issue. He stayed in alot and the moods were still there, but worse than my frustration with his mood was his missing some of his prayers.  Not that he wouldnt pray, but he did not want to go out to the masjid.  He would be asleep and not be wakeable, he would ask for food right before the athan and stay in to eat or sometimes he would just establish the prayer at home with no excuse, ignoring my claims that the man must pray all of his salat in the masjid.

Ramadhan is just around the corner and I am already having anxiety attacks about the arguments we will have and the tension there will be because he doesn’t want to go to tarawih or stay at the masjid.  Sometimes we will go and later the kids and I will find him asleep in the car.  Sometimes he doesn’t want to listen to a lecture or read quran with us when he is having his mood swing.  I don’t understand how you can be in crisis and not do things to get closer to Allah.  What he will do is stay up all night and day playing video games.  All night and day with little sleep for days.  I am so feed up.  I am really considering divorce at this point.