Archive for April, 2008

Head Crack, Head Crack!

Posted: April 28, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Everyone knows I want to go back over seas. It’s not a secret. I am very open about it. I am ready to go. I have begged, cried and pleaded with my hubby to send me away make preparations so that we can move, but his reply is “I have to do what’s best for my family. I am not going to be rushed just because you are having a tantrum about it.” My friends tell me to stop talking about it and just have patience but it is causing alot of tension in my crib. Every conversation leads to hijrah!

“Wow can you believe that gas prices are going up?…… If we made hijrah we wouldn’t have to worry about high gas prices, because we wouldn’t have to drive everywhere!”

“Do you know it took me two weeks to get one of the kids in with the dentist?…… If we were overseas one of those bad little arab kids would have knocked that achy tooth right out by now.”

Uncomfortable silence……..  “So, when are we leaving, already?

I am getting so sick of talking about it, getting upset about it, piting hope against hope and realising that….

I’m still here…

My friend said I’m a Crackhead about it. I keep saying I will stop but I can’t leave it alone…


Hope and desire are amazing things. A persons hope can be so strong in a thing or in a person that the heart feels that it may burst apart with the zeal and anticipation of what hope can bring. And the same thing can be said for desire. When you want something so badly until you can already taste your own success, the battle has not yet begun to win your prize, but you are dancing the victory dance all the same. Hope and desire can be dangerous. They can be the light that gets you through the day or they can be the black pit that swallows you whole, never to return to light. If you feed your hopes and desires, how do you tame the beast that you have nurtured and caused to grow? How, when that thing that you have so much hope and desire in, appears to be a mountain, towering above you, how do you scale it’s lofty heights, or send it tumbling down to the level foundation from which it sprung?

Does it matter whether your aim is noble or base? Does it matter that the essence is pure or eternally corrupt? I don’t think so.

To what lengths will you go to achieve your desire. What boundaries will you cross to see your hope realised? The noblest of aims can lead to the most sinister of actions. Keep hope alive? Or kill the inner cravings that drive some over the edge?

How do you maintain? How do you cope?

I used to only crave Allah’s pleasure and his forever home for the righteous…Jannatu Firdous.

Now I can not tell the difference between the lofty goal and the base act that one may commit to achieve it.

Allah guide us all to what is pleasing to you. And save us from the fire.

My husband has one of those weird jobs that takes him away for weeks at a time. So when he’s here we try to squeeze the life out of every moment until he walks out the door again. I don’t take calls and I dont go anywhere without him. It’s very frustrating (and lucrative mind you) and we always question is it worth the heart headache. It’s at the point now where the kids are looking for him a new job themselves.

  • Look Abu! McDonald’s is hiring. You can stay home and we can get free burgers.
  • If you get a job at Walmart, all you would have to do is open boxes all night.
  • Pep Boys needs a stockboy, Abu! Everybody says that you’re stocky.

Shopping centers, gas stations, Home Depot, (which he ought to own personal stock in) have all been proposed by the kids. It amazes me that they don’t understand the economics of an eight person family. And while we don’t want to lose the profitable income, we would like to gain more time with the man-piece (I heard a sister say this term the other day and I can’t stand it. It sounds so crude and ghetto, but it’s stuck in my cranium now).

So he’s gone now hopefully to return soon. I guess now I will have more time to spend with my second love… the internet.  Any thought on Internet addiction, it’s causes and cures?

I Need Backup…

Posted: April 10, 2008 in Uncategorized

Been wanting to post but I only have a few more hours with hubby (who took off a week from work and will probably be gone for the next three weeks straight) so in light of developments, I am calling for backup. Until I can think of something interesting to write about….

See you when I see you….

I Will Remember…

Posted: April 8, 2008 in Uncategorized

As I traveled down the dusty road, away from all that I loved and everything I had worked so hard to achieve, I looked at the scenic view, willing each aspect of it to engrave itself in my brain. 

The blue of the sea, with it’s tiara of white, frothy waves. The sparkling, neverending color of sun upon desert sand. The stark, formidable mountains that rose up next to the road with words of Allah’s rememberance written upon their sides in white stones. I tried to inhale every scent of the air and of the ragged taxi that emotionlessly carried me away. I tried not to look back. But every minute carried me further and further away.

If I never return, I will always remember the mysterious women in black who walked the streets everyday, tending to their families, their goats and their responsibilities to God. The sounds of the athan calling incessantly throughout the day, ardent worshippers to prayer.

I will remember my neighbors and how they spoke to me pleasantly with tongues I could not understand but with hearts that I knew were filled with love and charity. I will remember feeling for the first time as if I was home and I will remember and thank Allah for allowing me the experience of it all…..

Made More…

Posted: April 5, 2008 in Uncategorized
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They think I’m on drugs. I’m not, but for some reason I have extreme amounts of energy lately. I have been dragging the kids from on end of the house to the other cleaning, washing walls, arranging closets, ect, ect. Teen Queen asked if I had been taking energy supplements again (nope it’s all natural, baby girl, now go finish the dishes). So I decided to BBQ today (in the rain). I made potatoe salad, cole slaw, macoroni salad, corn on the cob, hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken and turkey wings. Miss Love Bug comes into the kitchen and stands prissily in the doorway, one hand on hips the other around a can of black cherry soda. She shifts from one foot to the other, pushing out her hips like a little hoochie mama May West in training. I try to ignore her when she acts like this. I swear that she received abnormal amounts of estrogen in the womb or something, the girl is ultr-feminine.

Bug: Ummie guess what? I’m made more.

Me: Made more what?

(Thoughtful silence, followed by a nonchalant shrug and a limp wristed sip of soda) I ignore her and continue to dice cabbage and carrots for coleslaw.

Bug: Ummie, I’m made more.

Me: Made more what, sweetie.

Bug: Made more girlish.

Me (confused): More girlish than….

Bug: I’m made more girlish than TQ!

Teen Queen (TQ): Uhn-uh. No. You. Are. Not! (obviously outraged)

Bug: Yes I am, because I put my hand on my hips and you don’t! (imagine a neck twirling, one hand on hip, waving the can from side to side to emphasize each word five year old channeling “miss thing.”

I don’t know what to do with her. I think she gets her attitude from my husbands side of the family. He doesn’t agree.



You Are a Cappuccino

You’re fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart – and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You’re the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?