Posts Tagged ‘Jewels and Jems’

In ‘al-Fawa’id’ (p. 196-199), Ibn al-Qayyim said

Manners have limits. When these limits are crossed, this is
transgression. When they are fallen short of, this is deficiency and

Anger has a limit: and it is to be bold while being above having negative and deficient traits, and this is the perfect form of anger. If this limit is exceeded, you become a transgressor. If you fall short of it, you will be a coward and will not be able to raise yourself above negative traits.

Covetousness has a limit: it is to take all you need from this world and what it has to offer you. When you fall short of this limit, it becomes disgrace and wastefulness. When you exceed this limit, you end up wanting what you shouldn’t want.

Envy has a limit: and it is to compete in becoming perfect and to excel such that your rival is unable to excel over you. When this limit is exceeded, you transgress and oppress in which you wish that the good things are taken away from the one you envy and are keen to harm him. When you fall short of this limit, you become low, weak in aspiration, and you belittle yourself. 

The Prophet said: “There should be no envy except in regards to two things: a man who was granted wealth by Allah and he was able to spend it for the sake of the truth, and a man who was granted wisdom by Allah and he takes it and teaches it to the people.”
So, this is an envy of competition, where the envious one pushes
himself to be like the one he envies without wishing that he is
deprived of the good things that are with him.

Sexual desire has a limit: and it is to relax the heart and mind from the exhaustion of worship, to maintain moral excellence, and to use the fulfillment of these desires to help you in this. When you exceed this limit, you fall into being overly lustful, and you come to resemble animals. When you fall short of this limit and don’t use this time to obtain excellence and virtue, this becomes weakness, inability, and disgrace.

Relaxation has a limit: and it is to collect yourself and your strength to prepare for worship and perfection of the self, and to save this so that you don’t become weak or tired. When you exceed this limit, this becomes laziness and waste, and you end up missing out on so many things that could benefit you. When you fall short of this limit, you end up hurting and weakening your energy, and it might even be cut off from you like a farmer who is unable to land to plow or crops to pick.

Generosity has a limit between two extremes: and whenever this limit is exceeded, this becomes wastefulness and extravagance. When you fall short of this limit, you become cheap and miserly.

Bravery has a limit: and when you cross this limit, you become reckless. When you fall short of this limit, you become a coward. This limit is that you put yourself forth when the time is right to do so and that you hold yourself back when the time is right to do so, just like Mu’awiyah said to ‘Amr bin al-‘As: “I don’t know whether you’re brave or cowardly! You go forth to the point that I say you’re the bravest person, and then you stay back to the point that I say you’re the most cowardly person!” So, he replied:

I am brave if I am guaranteed the chance * If I don’t have the chance, I am a coward…

Protective jealousy has a limit: and if you exceed this limit, you fall into accusation and suspicion of the innocent. If you fall short of this limit, you fall into heedlessness and lack of manhood.

Humility has a limit: and if it is crossed, this becomes humiliation and disgrace. If you fall short of it, you deviate to arrogance and false pride.

Honor has a limit: and if you exceed it, you fall into arrogance and blameworthy traits. If you fall short of it, you deviate to humiliation and disgrace. The basic principle in all this is to choose the path of moderation between excess and negligence. This is what all of the benefits of this world and the next are built upon. In fact, you can benefit your body in no other way, because when some of your activities are done with lack of moderation and either exceed or fall short of it, your body’s health and energy begins to decline accordingly. Likewise, natural activities such as sleeping, staying awake, eating, drinking, having intercourse, playing sports, spending time alone, spending time with others, etc. – if these are all done moderately between the two blameworthy extremes, this is justice. If you deviate to either extreme, this is a sign of deficiency and will lead to even more deficiency.

This knowledge of proper limits is from the best types of knowledge, especially the limits of what is commanded and prohibited. The most knowledgeable people are those who know the most about these limits, such that they don’t put in them what doesn’t belong and don’t remove from them what does belong. Allah Said: {“The bedouins are the worst in disbelief and hypocrisy, and more likely to be ignorant of the limits that Allah has revealed to His Messenger… “} [at-Tawbah; 97]

So, the people who are most just are those who recognize by way of
knowledge and action the legislated limits in their manners and deeds,
and Allah is the source of success…”

Wa Billahi Tafeeq….



I am discovering some interesting side-effects to the polygyny experience.  I thought once the relationship ended, things just spring back to normal….not!  So look out for these side-effects that might take you by surprise.

Relationship Changes:  After a husband who has been married for many years enters into polygyny, that relationship is changed forever.  Depending upon how your wife looked at you from the begining, it may make her see you in a whole new light.  If you were idolized (and I don’t mean shirk people so calm down) she may not look at you so naively ever again.  Polygyny highlights your faults and thinking of you as “not as great” as she thought you were may have been the means by which she coped with her hurt feelings. 

New Love Awaits:  Women who have been involved in a long term relationship may suddenly get the “If he can do it, I can, too” effect.  This means that she now feels that she can enjoy a new relationship just like he is doing and may want a divorce even if his relationship in polygyny doesn’t work.

Bye-Bye Baby Blues- Both spouses may go through a semi-depression even if it wasn’t working out for either party.  This depression doesn’t stem from lost love or un-returned sentiments. It comes from being on an emotional rollercoaster ride for whatever length of time the relationship lasted and just being physically and mentally (and emotionally) exhausted from the effort it took to try to make it all work out without losing your sanity. This depression can be expressed by either spouse by impatience, frequent arguments, moodiness and other nasty behaviour.

These side effects can be minimized or avoided altogether by men being very careful who they choose as wives, first and any subsequent wife for that matter. A woman who is grounded in her faith will understand the trials that she is going through are from Allah and try to be patient in her test.  A woman who is selfish (nafsie) will take it out on her spouse and whoever else is in earshot.

Also, men have to rekindle the relationship with the first wife as well.  I liked feeling like my relationship was just as new to me as it was for him and his new wife.  My husband did extra special things for me during that time, which made me feel like a newlywed, too.  He would take me out to dinner, buy me gifts and just tell me how much he appreciated me and loved me and thought I was sexy and beautiful. And our relationship did not fizzle in the bedroom, it sizzled (sorry for the bluntness) so this made the polygyny aspect not as hard to accept for me. There was no resentment or sense of loss or maltreatment.  If a brother wants to have more than one he has to be able to physically and mentally support both relationships. 

And a word to first wives: Don’t go feeling sad and down on yourself because your husband has taken another wife. Use that energy (and frustration) and channel it into fixing up your home, taking care of your looks and letting your husband know how great you really are. I never let a day go by that I didn’t look good for my husband. I would make sure the house was clean and smelling nice when came home and that the kids looked nice and were well behaved and gave him something to think about until he came back home on my day.

Polygyny is not the end …. It can be a great begining if the parties involved make it that way.

It’s been a long time since I have made an update here.  I’ve been sifting through new feelings, new events and even pondered starting a new blog… pondering doing something new.

But I realised, this is all me.  All my experiences. Nothing new at all really. So on that note.  Here’s with new with me and my crew.

My husband is scared of polygyny.  He was so disappointed by the turn of events in the last episode, he is having a hard time trusting another situation.  He (we) put so much into it, only to have it fail…fast.  I persuaded him to have another sitdown, but he sabotaged it on purpose…. lololol.  He highlighted  all of his bad points. So we have agreed to not discuss it.

I am slowy getting over my anger at world events. I’m still angry about it but I believe I have found some balance and comfort in the knowledge that Allah is in control and we are his slaves and he does with us as he pleases. I find comfort in the knowledge that the lives lost are not in vain Allah tells us in his book of truth and guidance:

 O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere And say not of those who are slain in the way of Allah. “They are dead.” Nay, they are living, though ye perceive (it) not. Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.  Surah Baqarah 153-157.

So masha’allah. I am content with what he has decreed for us. For our ummah, and I patiently wait saying “ina’lillahi wa ina’illayhi rajiun”.

New topics to be discussed: Hijrah, Make-up and Marriage bi’ithnillah.

Khayr Insha’allah

“I have found that your heart though doesn’t really give a damn what is happening to you, when it loves someone, or what they’ve done.” Moomtaz.Blogspot.Com

Truer words have never been spoken. It’s like the heart has a separate life from the brain and the mind has a separate life from them both.

In spite of the fact that I support poly whole heartedly, inspite of the billions of pep talks I have had with fellow sisters, in spite of all of what my head knows and my mind refuses to grasp… my heart had a major black-out fit.

He came home and I smelled her on his clothes.

I didn’t want him to touch me, I didn’t want to look at him. I wanted a divorce. My head was telling my mind and heart to calm down but they were not listening. My heart was busy breaking into a thousand pieces, gathering itself up and imploding…. over and over again. My mind was screaming, I can’t do this, don’t want to, don’t have to and ain’t gonna. Some people are cut out for this and I ain’t one of them… and at the same time making a mental note of numbers to homeless shelters.

It took me awhile to get a grip, and thank Allah I got one. I also thank Allah that all of this was inner turmoil. I spoke gently to my husband and explained how I was feeling and he told me the deepest thing I ever heard. “Emotions are a lie.”

My emotions were not telling me that my husband loves me and that all of this could be a major source of reward from Allah. My emotions did not mention that Allah rewards for patience. My emotions just said RUN!!

He said if we want good and we do things in that way, wanting good for all that are involved Allah will bless us with good. He said if all of us have a goal to help each other get jannah (the paradise) then we will get nothing short of that, through patience in whatever befalls us. And shaitan does not want this to work. He doesn’t want to see it successful. He works us over by inspiring doubt, fear, suspicion, anger, jealousy and desires. Our fight is with him and we fight him by fighting our emotions. A few days of tears and hugs later we were back on track.

He also said he will take 20 showers instead of 10 before he comes home again.



I stumbled upon these ayaat. It is from Surah Balad and it reads:

  11. But he has made no effort to pass on the path that is steep.

12. And what will make you know the path that is steep?

13. (It is) Freeing a neck (slave, etc.)

14. Or giving food in a day of hunger (famine),

15. To an orphan near of kin.

16. Or to a Misk�n (poor) afflicted with misery.

17. Then he became one of those who believed, and recommended one another to perseverance and patience, and (also) recommended one another to pity and compassion.

18. They are those on the Right Hand (the dwellers of Paradise)

So much ajr in these ayats. The “path that is steep” is to do something, sacrifice something, give something you love when it is needed. To suffer discomfort for the greater good. In Tafsir Ibn Kathir it is said that when on of the sahabah heard this ayat he called his fastest, most obedient servant and said: “I free you for the face of Allah.”

Can we traverse this path? Can we stand the discomfort, the hurt feelings, the sleepless nights and insecurities to stick to the path? Are we ready to sweat and suffer and insha’allah win?

Allah help me.

Is ruling with rules other than sharee‘ah “kufr akbar” or “kufr asghar”? 

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has commanded us to refer matters to His judgement and to establish Sharee‘ah, and He has forbidden us to rule with anything else, as is clear from a number of aayaat in the Qur’aan, such as the aayaat in Soorat al-Maa’idah (5) which discuss ruling according to what Allaah has revealed, and mention the following topics:

The command to rule according to what Allaah has revealed: “And so judge between them by what Allaah has revealed . . .” [aayah 49]

Warning against ruling by other than what Allaah has revealed: “. . . and follow not their vain desires . . .” [aayah 49]

Warning against compromising on any detail of Sharee‘ah, no matter how small: “. . . but beware of them lest they turn you far away from some of that which Allaah has sent down to you . . .” [aayah 49]

Forbidding seeking the ruling of jaahiliyyah, as is expressed in the rhetorical question “Do they then seek the judgement of (the Days of) Ignorance?” [aayah 50]

The statement that nobody is better than Allaah to judge: “. . . and who is better in judgement than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith?” [aayah 50]

The statement that whoever does not judge according to what Allaah revealed is a kaafir, a zaalim (oppressor or wrongdoer) and a faasiq (sinner), as Allaah says: “. . . And whoever does not judge by what Allaah has revealed, such are the kaafiroon.” [aayah 44]; “. . . And whoever does not judge by that which Allaah has revealed, such are the zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers)” [aayah 45]; “. . . And whoever does not judge by what Allaah has revealed (then) such (people) are the faasiqoon (rebellious or disobedient).” [aayah 47].

The statement that it is obligatory for the Muslims to judge according to what Allaah has revealed, even if those who seek their judgement are not Muslim, as Allaah says: “. . . And if you judge, judge with justice between them. . .” [aayah 42]

Judging or ruling according to other than what Allaah has revealed is contrary to faith and Tawheed, which are Allaah’s rights. It may be counted as kufr akbar (greater kufr) or kufr asghar (lesser kufr) according to circumstances. Kufr akbar will make a person no longer a Muslim in cases such as the following:

If he issues laws and regulations other than those revealed by Allaah, because the right to issue laws belongs to Allaah alone, Who has no partner, and whoever “competes” with Him in a matter which is His alone is a mushrik, because Allaah says: “Or have they partners with Allaah (false gods), who have instituted for them a religion which Allaah has not allowed?” [al-Shooraa 42:21]

If the one who rules by other than that which Allaah has revealed denies the right of Allaah and His Prophet to rule, as is mentioned in Ibn ‘Abbaas’s comment on the aayah:“. . . And whoever does not judge by what Allaah has revealed, such are the kaafiroon.” [al-Maa’idah 5:44]. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “Whoever rejects what Allaah has revealed is a kaafir.”

If he prefers the rule of falsehood to the rule of Allaah, whether this is in absolute terms or just in a few matters. Allaah says: “Do they then seek the judgement of (the Days of) Ignorance? And who is better in judgement than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith?” [al-Maa’idah 5:50]

If he regards the rule of Allaah and the rule of falsehood as equal. Allaah says: “. . . Then do not set up rivals unto Allaah (in worship) while you know (that He Alone has the right to be worshipped).” [al-Baqarah 2:22]

If he thinks that it is permissible to rule by something that contradicts the rule of Allaah and His Messenger, or he believes that it is not obligatory to rule according to what Allaah has revealed, or that the matter is optional. This is kufr which is contradictory to faith. Allaah revealed: “O Messenger! Let not those who hurry to fall into disbelief grieve you, of such who say: ‘We believe’ with their mouths but their hearts have no faith. And of the Jews are men who listen much and eagerly to lies – listen to others who have not come to you; they say, ‘If you are given this, take it, but if you are not given this, then beware!’ . . .” [al-Maa’idah 5:41]. He says: “Go to Muhammad (peace be upon him), and if he tells you that the ruling is lashes, accept it, but if he commands stoning, ignore what he says. Then Allaah revealed “. . . And whoever does not judge by what Allaah has revealed, such are the kaafiroon (disbelievers)” [al-Maa’idah 5:44].

If he does not rule according to what Allah has revealed out of stubbornness and arrogance, he is a kaafir and has left Islaam, even if he does not deny the rule of Allaah. Stubbornness and arrogance may mean negligence and turning away, as Allaah says: “Have you seen those (hypocrites) who claim that they believe in that which has been sent down to you, and that which was sent down before you, and they wish to go for judgement (in their disputes) to the Taaghoot (false judges, etc.) while they have been ordered to reject them. But Shaytaan wishes to lead them astray. And when it is said to them: ‘Come to what Allaah has sent down and to the Messenger,’ see they hypocrites turn away from you (Muhammad) with aversion.” [al-Nisaa’ 4:60-61]

Among the things that may be counted as ruling by other than that which Allaah revealed and kufr akbar is what Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem said about manmade laws and ruling by them: “This is the worst, the most obvious and comprehensive opposition to sharee‘ah and rejection of Allaah’s laws. This is competing with Allaah and His Messenger, contradicting His laws in their preparation, support, structure, ruling and references.

The above is a summary of the things that may imply that ruling by other than that which Allah has revealed is a form of shirk akbar (major shirk):

(1) Ruling by other than that which Allaah has revealed.

(2) Denying the right of Allaah and His Messenger to rule.

(3) Preferring the rule of falsehood to the rule of Allaah, whether this is complete or only in a few matters.

(4) Regarding the rule of Allaah and the rule of falsehood as equal.

(5) Thinking that it is permissible to rule by something that contradicts what Allaah has revealed, or believing that ruling by what Allaah has revealed is not obligatory or is optional.

(6) Refusing to rule by what Allaah has revealed.

By examining this topic from different angels, it becomes clear that what is counted as kufr akbar is the following:

Abolishing sharee‘ah as the law governing a country, as Mustafa Kemal (“Ataturk”) did in Turkey, as he abolished the book Majallah al-Ahkaam al-‘Adliyyah which was based on the Hanafi madhhab, and replaced it with manmade laws.

Abolishing sharee‘ah courts.

Imposing manmade laws, such as Italian, French, German law, etc., to judge between the people, or mixing these laws and Sharee‘ah, as Genghis Khan did in his book al-Yaasiq, which combined laws from different sources; the ‘ulamaa’ (scholars) ruled that he was a kaafir.

Confining the role of sharee‘ah courts to so-called “civil” matters, such as marriage, divorce and inheritance.

Setting up non-sharee‘ah courts.

Discussing sharee‘ah in parliament and voting on it; this indicates that implementing sharee‘ah is conditional upon a majority vote.

Making sharee‘ah a secondary or main source, along with other sources of law. Even when they say that sharee‘ah is the primary source of legislation, this is still kufr akbar, because it means that they are allowing the adoption of laws from other sources too.

Stating in the clauses of legislation that reference may be made to international law, or stating in treaties that in the case of dispute, the matter may be referred to such-and-such non-Islamic court.

Criticizing sharee‘ah in public or in private, such as saying that it is rigid, incomplete or backward, or suggesting that it is incompatible with our times, or expressing admiration for non-Islamic laws.

As regards the question of when ruling by other than what Allaah revealed is kufr asghar, which does not exclude a person from the ummah of Islam:

the answer is that this may be the case when a ruler or judge passes judgement according to other than what Allaah revealed out of disobedience or on a whim, or as a favour to someone, or because he was bribed, and so on, although he believes that it is obligatory to judge according to what Allaah has revealed, and that what he has done is a sinful and haraam deed.

As regards the one who is governed by a non-Islamic law, if he refers to it out of choice, then he is a kaafir whose kufr akbar means that he has left Islaam. But if he has no choice but to refer to this law, and does so reluctantly, then he is not a kaafir, because if he had been able to resort to sharee‘ah, he would have done so, and he believes that this non-Islamic law is false.

And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid



Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim….

It has come to my attention from the comments section of this blog that some muslims feel that it is okay to judge by and follow laws that are contrary to the laws of Allah, subhana wa ta’ala. In all my years as a muslim, I have never doubted that man-made law was derived from human beings that for some reason felt that Allah’s laws were not good enough and so decided to create laws of their own.

Prophet Adam and his descendants and all of the subsequent prophets and their followers, all followed the laws of their creator, Allah. This law was and is complete and covers every aspect of our daily lives with truth and justice. So how can anyone who takes worship of Allah (Islam) as their way of life also give credence to man-made law? The law of atheists and pagans? The law of power tripping dictatorships and deviant, irreligious, misguided prostelytizers?

Allah gives us proof that his law is what we should judge by and live by and make uppermost on earth, in many ayats in the qu’ran:

“5:44 It was We who revealed the law (to Moses): therein was guidance and light. By its standard have been judged the Jews, by the prophets who bowed (as in Islam) to allah’s will, by the rabbis and the doctors of law: for to them was entrusted the protection of allah’s book, and they were witnesses thereto: therefore fear not men, but fear me, and sell not my signs for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by (the light of) what allah hath revealed, they are (no better than) Unbelievers.


5:48 To thee We sent the Scripture in truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety: so judge between them by what allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging from the Truth that hath come to thee. To each among you have we prescribed a law and an open way. If allah had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues. The goal of you all is to allah. it is He that will show you the truth of the matters in which ye dispute;


5:49 And this (He commands): judge thou between them by what allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they beguile thee from any of that (teaching) which allah hath sent down to thee. And if they turn away, be assured that for some of their crime it is allah’s purpose to punish them. And truly most men are rebellious. –


6:114 Say: “Shall I seek for judge other than allah. – when He it is Who hath sent unto you the Book, explained in detail.” They know full well, to whom We have given the Book, that it hath been sent down from thy Lord in truth. Never be then of those who doubt.

Allah tells us that if we are placed in a position of authority on earth, it is not for us to judge by our vain desires as this will be a source of punishment and loss for us:

38:26 O David! We did indeed make thee a vicegerent on earth: so judge thou between men in truth (and justice): Nor follow thou the lusts (of thy heart), for they will mislead thee from the Path of allah. for those who wander astray from the Path of allah, is a Penalty Grievous, for that they forget the Day of Account.

3:3 It is He Who sent down to thee (step by step), in truth, the Book, confirming what went before it; and He sent down the law (of Moses) and the Gospel (of Jesus) before this, as a guide to mankind, and He sent down the criterion (of judgment between right and wrong).

5:66 If only they had stood fast by the law, the Gospel, and all the revelation that was sent to them from their Lord, they would have enjoyed happiness from every side. There is from among them a party on the right course: but many of them follow a course that is evil.

Allah’s law is sufficient for us. We obey and follow the laws of state that do not go against what Allah has already revealed, otherwise that law has no basis. For example, homosexual marriage has been made lawful in American courts. Do we adopt this law as our own or does it go against what Allah has made lawful. The practice of polygyny and in some cases marriage at a young age is also deemed unlawful. Is it correct to judge by other than what Allah has decreed?

Indeed Allah’s earth is spacious. And the earth indeed belongs to him. And wherever you maybe, it is required that you obey Allah and judge by what he has decreed. And to him is our final return.