I didn’t mean to rile anyone up with any statements and trust me whatever opinion that I now hold, has come from deep soul-searching within myself.
I am not talking about sisters who are married to “dogish” men. I am talking about when you have a loving, intelligent, responsible, god-fearing husband. All of that benefit doesn’t stop with polygyny. A man doesn’t stop loving you because he has another wife.
You are correct that it is your right not to stay in a polygynous marriage. And some polygynous marriages can go awfully wrong, no doubt. But for those that enter and stick it out, what makes a woman stay and share her husband with another woman. This is the big question that we are seeing even in the news today.
Women are staying because they value the relationship. It doesn’t matter that he has or wants another wife, as long as he is treating us right. Women date married men and stay in relationships for years. At least in Islam, it comes with the honor of marriage and responsibility.
Really Bad analogy: If a woman had an oppurtunity to have a relationship with someone like say Will Smith or some big name like that, he agrees to set you up, take care of you and confesses his undying love to you, would you do it (in the dunya not islam) the only catch being, he doesn’t want to leave his wife. Most women would do it. How many times does a man like Will come along. He’s rich, handsome, he’s powerful in the public arena…. big perks.Well, to me a man who fears Allah, sacrificing himself everyday to please Allah, working hard to maintain me and our children in Islam, this is more noble an aim in my eyes, this is more worthy to be supported. And wanting for my sister what I want for myself. I want another sister to be able to benefit from the same security that I have, the same support.
And lastly, Are we really better than our mothers? The prophet had nine wives. Other sahabah of the prophet (saw) had multiple wives. Are we better than them? Is there not a need for the men of our communitites to take care of the women? The prophet said there will come a time when there will be 40 women to every one man.
It’s definetly a choice. I just hope for my sisters not to be too knee-jerk in their reactions, dismantling their families and causing more harm than is necessary to their children. Every situation is not prfect or will be successful, but with the proper intention and efforts to make things work from all parties, it could be in the end a fulfilling relationship.