Archive for March, 2008

Mi Familia…

Posted: March 28, 2008 in Uncategorized
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How many people do you know that had six c-sections? We’ll your meeting one right now. No I am not on crack, no my mother did not drop me on my head when I was a baby and no, I was not forced to do it by my oppressive, abusive overly religious Muslim husband. I just love kids and was trying to do my part for the ummah of Muhammad and if I still had fallopian tubes (and weren’t afraid to be crippled or some other horrible thing) I would probably have more.
So of course six c-sections means six kids (I’ll get to hubby later). Out of propriety and anonymity, I will give them all nicknames (which I hope I remember for future posts).
  • Teen Queen:  She’s 14 going on 15 and thinks she’s my mother. I can’t believe the rolls are reversing so soon. She loves all things pink, wants to get married ASAP, and is a bookie monster (imagine cookie monster, only with books). She (mash’allah) wears hijab and niqab, memorizes qur’an and hadith like some sort of sponge and gives dawah to our family members. She enjoys beating up my husband, anything that entails speed and eating things very, very, very slowly. Although she has a hecka memory for the deen, she forgets most other things I tell her (could be the age though).
  • Dude:  My oldest son at 12, he is mister responsible. He is very controlling and particular about everything. His food has to always be prepared the same way, he has to divide everything up between his siblings evenly and he hates to try anything new. He too is blessed with an amazing memory (masha’allah) and has a passion for books. He is not into anything that appears dangerous (which appears to be most things) and is content to lay on a hill under a tree and read for hours. He loves animals, especially the ferocious beastly ones. He recently told me that he wanted to have a mongoose and a boa constrictor so he could put them both in a cage to see what happens.
  • Professor X:  This is the third oldest (could you guess I’m making this list by birth order?) son. He’s almost ten but is the same size (debatable, looks bigger to me) as the older one so they look kinda like twins. His passion is taking things apart to see how it works. He is fascinated by all things mechanical and avoids books like the plague. He is so perceptive until I can glance at him and he will instantly say “I love you too, Ummie). Gotta love the guy. He keeps trying to get a job. Seriously, a real job. When we lived abroad he came home one day and said “I got a job today, Ummie.” I was not surprised to find that everyday, he would stop after school and help some brothers who were building a house. He would happily carry bricks and hold tools and whatever else the asked him to do (for free). He is a doppelganger for my husband, which is scary.
The last three kids I call the little ones, and I will have to get to them in another post.
TTFN
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Obama is The Knock-Kneed Abysinnian..

Posted: March 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
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And I don’t mean that as a racial slur either. But why else would the American-Powers-That-Be allow a black man to be President. Don’t tell me that all of a sudden they are growing a conscience or that he is just the “right man for the job.” Noone even knew who he was a few years ago. When Jesse “the-question-is-moot” Jackson ran, all hell broke loose, and in my mind he was far more credible.

So what’s up with that? Prophet prophesied that the Kaba would be destroyed close to the time of the hour. In an excerpt from Tafsir Ibn Kathir, it reads:

The two Sahih’s recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah
(saw) said: ” The Ka’bah will be destroyed by Dhus-Sawiqatayn (literally, a
person with two lean legs) from Ethiopia.” Also, Ibn Abbas said that the
Prophet(saw) said: “As if I see him now: a black person with thin legs
plucking thestones of the ka’bah one after another.” Al-Bukhari recorded
this hadith.

Not that it matters so much, as we do not worship the Ka’bah. But it seems a
bit interesting and makes you wonder how soon before we actually see the
appearance of the dajjal.

Introducing…..The Muslim Popsicle!!!

Posted: March 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
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I should have known it wasn’t a good idea when my husband happily chose work over spending what I considered “quality” time with our kids. I think I heard him laugh when he said “You can go if you want, but I have to work.” (chuckle, chuckle)

I should have known it was a bad idea when I realised at the last minute he had took the car with him to work and left me with the problem of finding a ride for me and all six of our kids to go. Who has room in their car for that many people? I ended up having to ask two different sisters to each take half of us, leaving the “Teen Queen”, the “Love Bug” and the “Samurai” home to wait, while I drive off with the other three boys (who I have yet to dub with nick names so just bear with me on that).
I should have known it was not a good idea to go when the buttons on my abayah kept popping open (which drives me crazy) making me feel half dressed (having a BHD– Bad Hijab Day) and self conscious.
I should have known but I went anyway…. trust your instincts people it’s a good thing.
Our masjid had a family picnic and it was as cold as (h.e.double hockey-sticks).
I was literally freezing and shaking. We got there (on top of a mountain no less) and I spread out a few blankets on the hillside, preparing to offer my salat and sit and listen to the lectures that they were about to give and noticed some of my body parts going numb. I made the takbir, made ruku then sudjood and prostrated….. in a puddle of water. The grass was saturated. So now I am WET and freezing and shaking. I am now forced to pray on the hard ground which happens to be in the shade. Cold-Sun = Colder. What kind of concentration in prayer can you have while looking like a break dancer? I was shaking that hard.
I convinced some other popsicles, I mean sisters to help me move a picnic table into the sun and we all sat huddled and shivering there trying to eat (cold food) and listen to the remembrance of Allah. It was 40 degrees and dropping fast. We gave new meaning to the words “Sisterhood and Unity,” as we hugged each other and rubbed each others hands and tried to share as much bodyheat as we could spare. Did I mention that they also gave away free ice cream as well? It’s hard for me (a natural born conspiracy theorist) not to believe that someone was doing this to us on purpose. Perhaps some FBICIA agent was hiding in the trees getting a good laugh at our expense.
The kids had a wonderful time though. The lecture was amazingly good and my husband laughed at us all when he got home from work.

The Odd Couple…

Posted: March 25, 2008 in Uncategorized
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I really want to help my husband find another wife. I know that sounds crazy. But I’m serious. And before everyone jumps all over me, let me explain why. My HB is a great guy. Strong yet sensitive. Attentive and intelligent. Allah really blessed us to have a wonderful marriage, beautiful kids and many, many historical (and most of the time hysterical) experiences together. I don’t doubt that he loves me and the kids (we have 6). He loves and fears Allah and provides for us nicely. But he wants another wife. Always has.

So I approached a few sisters. Ones that I thought were strong in their Islam. Sisters that I felt were suited to our family, who would want to remain sisters after the marriage and could see us all as one big happy family.

It hasn’t worked out yet.

There was some jealousy there during the sit downs. But he would always do something nice for me like take me to my favorite restaurant (without the kids which was a treat)and by me a gift and we would talk about how it went over coffee and dessert. He says he doesn’t want to do it if it isn’t right for us both and he doesn’t want to remarry only to be divorced again shortly after due to drama. And he says he definitely doesn’t want to lose me in the process. The objective is to add on to our tribe, not destroy what we’ve worked so hard to build. And I agree.

But it hasn’t happened yet. Part of me is kinda glad and another part can’t wait for it to be done and over with… and I’m not asking anyone anymore, just waiting to see what happens next.

Say My Name…

Posted: March 20, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Notice to inlaws, school officials, doctors, nurses and every person that was not previously mentioned but falls under this particular category. If you can successfully pronounce:
  • Jagermiester
  • Schlitz
  • Courvoisier
  • Alize

Or words like…

  • acute peritonsillar abruptio placentae
  • phyenylketonuria
  • Schizophreniform Histrionic Cyclothemic Disorder

And…

  • Lamborghini Marcielago
  • Peugeot Coupe Cabriolet

Then you CAN pronounce my children’s names…. you know you can!!!

Views on Polygyny, pt.2

Posted: March 19, 2008 in Uncategorized
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I didn’t mean to rile anyone up with any statements and trust me whatever opinion that I now hold, has come from deep soul-searching within myself.

I am not talking about sisters who are married to “dogish” men. I am talking about when you have a loving, intelligent, responsible, god-fearing husband. All of that benefit doesn’t stop with polygyny. A man doesn’t stop loving you because he has another wife.

You are correct that it is your right not to stay in a polygynous marriage. And some polygynous marriages can go awfully wrong, no doubt. But for those that enter and stick it out, what makes a woman stay and share her husband with another woman. This is the big question that we are seeing even in the news today.

Women are staying because they value the relationship. It doesn’t matter that he has or wants another wife, as long as he is treating us right. Women date married men and stay in relationships for years. At least in Islam, it comes with the honor of marriage and responsibility.

Really Bad analogy: If a woman had an oppurtunity to have a relationship with someone like say Will Smith or some big name like that, he agrees to set you up, take care of you and confesses his undying love to you, would you do it (in the dunya not islam) the only catch being, he doesn’t want to leave his wife. Most women would do it. How many times does a man like Will come along. He’s rich, handsome, he’s powerful in the public arena…. big perks.Well, to me a man who fears Allah, sacrificing himself everyday to please Allah, working hard to maintain me and our children in Islam, this is more noble an aim in my eyes, this is more worthy to be supported. And wanting for my sister what I want for myself. I want another sister to be able to benefit from the same security that I have, the same support.

And lastly, Are we really better than our mothers? The prophet had nine wives. Other sahabah of the prophet (saw) had multiple wives. Are we better than them? Is there not a need for the men of our communitites to take care of the women? The prophet said there will come a time when there will be 40 women to every one man.

It’s definetly a choice. I just hope for my sisters not to be too knee-jerk in their reactions, dismantling their families and causing more harm than is necessary to their children. Every situation is not prfect or will be successful, but with the proper intention and efforts to make things work from all parties, it could be in the end a fulfilling relationship.

Views on Polygyny….

Posted: March 19, 2008 in Uncategorized
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This is taken from a comment I made over here

…This coming from a woman who is in agreement with polygyny. I fell in love with my husband in only a way that Allah can produce. We did not know each other at first but were married in a traditional, islamic way. I would love to be my husbands one and only but because of my love for him I agreed to allow him to marry again. Out of his love for me, he agreed not to do this until we both were prepared for it emotionally and financially. Meaning that there were no problems between us and we both were ready to support one another through it. When you love someone, you support them in what they want to do, even if he thought that not being with me was best for him, I would not want to be the cause of his pain.

Unfortunately, us woman veiw our men in a sense of ownership. You are mine! We do not value the works that our men do in maintenance and kind treatment, we want blood. Denying our men polygyny is more than not sharing the marital bed, it’s saying I want you to immortalize in my own mind that I am your everything, there will be no challenge to my beauty, intelligence, skills or rank in this marriage, you only have eyes for me.

It is the man’s nature to be polygynous. It is a challenge for him to juggle the responsibilities of more than one household, more than one relationship. Kinda like being a CEO. If you are good at business, why only own one. Or a gardener, he tills his soil and plants the seed and admires his yield, why plant only one variety? Does the love of roses diminish ones love of daisies?

Love is a two-way street and lovers must meet somewhere in the middle.