Posts Tagged ‘Islam’

I consider myself a nice person.  I smile alot and I speak to people respectfully.  I also tend to distance myself from sour negative people.  Unkind people, mean-spirited people who always have something desparaging to say.  This aversion is why this issue is such a kill-switch between myself and my husband.  He becomes all those things when he goes through his moods.  All of them and it makes me crazy.  After years of trying to push him out of his moods.  After years and finally realizing it was not pressure from work, or tiredness or frustration. After years of realizing that there was no way to stop it except to wait.  I just became fed up.  It felt like I lived on  rollercoaster ride.  Dealing with the plunging, heartwrenching, nerve stripping down turns for the uplifting, euphoric exciting upturns only to go down once again.

I began to see there were no more excuses to make when he lost his job.  There was no more work as a pressure and issue. He stayed in alot and the moods were still there, but worse than my frustration with his mood was his missing some of his prayers.  Not that he wouldnt pray, but he did not want to go out to the masjid.  He would be asleep and not be wakeable, he would ask for food right before the athan and stay in to eat or sometimes he would just establish the prayer at home with no excuse, ignoring my claims that the man must pray all of his salat in the masjid.

Ramadhan is just around the corner and I am already having anxiety attacks about the arguments we will have and the tension there will be because he doesn’t want to go to tarawih or stay at the masjid.  Sometimes we will go and later the kids and I will find him asleep in the car.  Sometimes he doesn’t want to listen to a lecture or read quran with us when he is having his mood swing.  I don’t understand how you can be in crisis and not do things to get closer to Allah.  What he will do is stay up all night and day playing video games.  All night and day with little sleep for days.  I am so feed up.  I am really considering divorce at this point.

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Bismillah,

I just wanted to start out by saying barakallahu feekum for all the kind words and du’as I’ve received. I see them all and I am not replying on purpose because I have to get this off of my chest.  I don’t want to be distracted by the finer details or lengthy side explanations before I have just let it all out of my system. I’ve always been a private person, never discussing my private life, my marriage or what goes on with my family with others.  When I found this blog, I saw an opportunity to vent about those things that weighed heavily on my conscience, my struggles, my problems, without dishonoring my husband or my loved ones. 

I never had anyone I could discuss this issue with.  I always felt that people would be judgemental or look down on him for being flawed or me for being shallow and impatient. It has gone on too long and now  and I feel like shaitan has me confused.  I feel like the lone sheep left to the marauding wolf.  I feel safe here amongst anonymous friends.  Safe enough to bring things I feel to the light and get the perspective I need to move forward.  Like polygyny, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been through or is going through this.  Maybe my affair will give someone else the courage to face reality and get help.  I pray for the good and Allah’s guidance for us all.

Khayr Insha’allah

 

 

I don’t know how long I’ve known or how long I’ve pretended not to know the truth. It always lay underneath my thoughts, purposely shoved to the side, shoved down, away from my conscious mind. I just did not want to deal with what the truth could mean. To me and the family I’ve worked so hard to build and support. The truth is I’ve always known the truth. 

The truth is, my husband is mentally ill and it’s a problem that I’m not sure I can deal with anymore.  His illness has not been named or diagnosed and there are no medications or therapy sessions.  But it’s true and I have to come to terms with this reality.  There, I’ve said it.  It has been released from my heart and into the stratosphere and I don’t know what to do or say next.

Khayr, Insha’allah

I have no idea.  Maybe I should start from the end and work my way back to the beginning… that sounds easier than anything else, I guess.  So here goes.  I am living in Cairo, Egypt now and I love it.  Busy streets, people shuffling from one place to another.  All the beautiful sounds of the city, blaring and beeping from sun-up to sundown.  I used to dream that I would be here someday, walking these streets.  Living this life.  I didn’t know how it would ever come about, but it has and I am grateful.  I lived for a short time overseas and I loved it so much, but I had to leave and I always desired to return to living amongst the muslims.  After returning to the US, I became severely homesick.  I was so depressed that, in the end, it started affecting my marriage and my friendships, even the interaction with my children.  So,  I prayed and prayed about it and finally my husband agreed to let me leave by myself.  I figured maybe it would be easier for me to leave and he be in charge of getting everyone over.  So we chose Egypt and needless to say it was an excellent choice.  There are so many opportunities for study and empowerment here. 

The downfall of it all was that a great big chasm grew between my husband and I.  He didn’t understand how horrible I felt that we were still in the US.  And part of me blamed his adventure in polygyny for our stagnation and damnation to be stuck in darul-kufr.  He spent a lot of money that could have went towards our tickets and settling in overseas.  I’m sorry but that’s how I felt; that the big “P” had thrown a monkey wrench in our plans.  I soon got over it and alhamdulillah was able to see things clearer, but by then the damage was done.   I realized a little too late that whatever was for me; was for me and no-one or nothing could prevent me from my qadr.  Not money or lack thereof, or a co-wife or the lack thereof, or anyone’s bad feeling or evil wishes.  I learned that silently blaming is just as bad as shouting it to the wind.  So here I am and actually here we all are.  May Allah bless us all and keep our feet firmly on his path, ameen.  More later I guess….

Khayr Insha’allah

An interesting dialog is going on over at http://www.thefiks.org take a look and tell me what you think.  Be sure to check out the comments section where the conversation continues….

 

Can We Talk Show Polygamy, What’s the Big Deal?.

Wow, has it really been that long? So many things have been happening in my life I haven’t had the time (or the heart) to post.  Hopefully the previous posts that were here were of benefit to someone who needed a different perspective on the whole polygyny thing and gained some strength to continue moving forward…..

Speaking of moving forward….

So many families have been suffering with the trials of divorce lately that it boggles the mind.  Close friends of mine, families who appeared to be some of the more stable units in the community have dissolved and are facing many new challenges.  These are definitely trying times. 

But so far so good on my front. The kids are growing up so fast.  Just started a new year of homeschooling that I am tempted to retire from and I am preparing to reenter the wonderful world of university life to fulfill a life long dream.  Pray for me and I will pray for you.  

Khayr Insha’allah

 

Mourning….

Posted: May 9, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

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