I just wanted to start out by saying barakallahu feekum for all the kind words and du’as I’ve received. I see them all and I am not replying on purpose because I have to get this off of my chest. I don’t want to be distracted by the finer details or lengthy side explanations before I have just let it all out of my system. I’ve always been a private person, never discussing my private life, my marriage or what goes on with my family with others. When I found this blog, I saw an opportunity to vent about those things that weighed heavily on my conscience, my struggles, my problems, without dishonoring my husband or my loved ones.
I never had anyone I could discuss this issue with. I always felt that people would be judgemental or look down on him for being flawed or me for being shallow and impatient. It has gone on too long and now and I feel like shaitan has me confused. I feel like the lone sheep left to the marauding wolf. I feel safe here amongst anonymous friends. Safe enough to bring things I feel to the light and get the perspective I need to move forward. Like polygyny, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been through or is going through this. Maybe my affair will give someone else the courage to face reality and get help. I pray for the good and Allah’s guidance for us all.