I grew up with 4 older brothers. Being a daddy’s girl I was privy to and became sensitive to how men think. I used to see my brothers with their girlfriends/wives and think wow, I will never be like these women manipulative and clingy. I stuck close to my father and would listen silently to he and my mother have discussions, arguments and conversations. I realised that what men want and what helps relationships succeed is simple if we women are willing and able to provide it….
Men (or should I say most men) Want:
1. Companionship…. Not mothering. This means a friendship that does not come with reminders of how something was done improperly, micro-management of their time (where have you been, why did it take so long, i told you to be back by…etc.)
2. Love….without conditions. Meaning, a love based on how much he performs to your specifications. Statements like “I could love him so much if he would just stop doing…a.b.c or d, are not conducive to a healthy relationship.
3. Manhood insurance…without the fear of castration. There are actually women out there who compete with their husband and think that they can do it better than they can. They want to handle all of the business, money, affairs and activities that are really the man’s place to handle. Remember a car can only have one driver…
4. Sex without excuses…. Sorry but they just want to when they want to and they don’t want resistance, or excuses (i don’t feel like it/ I have a headache). It’s not about cuddling or bonding for them it’s about relief. When he bought the cow; he expected to get the milk whenever he wanted (as they say). Milk shortages can definitely be a conversation springboard for polygyny.
5. Reliance… without betrayal. They don’t like it when we talk about them behind their backs. Period. So when they’re in the kitchen and they can hear you laughing it up with your sister girlfriend about how stupid and incompetent he is, that’s a deal breaker right there. No man wants to fail in the eyes of his wife, no matter how bungling they may be. And this actually the only area where number 1 does not apply or receives a waiver. Sometimes we have to be how we are with our kids when they make a mistake or fall short. We give them a pass, the better luck next time speech, the “I still believe in you and just because that didn’t work doesn’t mean you are a failure, you’ll have another chance to shine,” speech. Some of us just go ripping into him about how could he do such a stupid thing or don’t you know better than that or the age old “I told you so.”
They also want…
- a woman to be a friend and companion
- a woman that is comfortable with being who she is
- someone that is okay with riding on the passenger side and not always trying to drive
- a woman that is down for him and can follow his lead
And don’t kid yourselves sisters, a lot of these points are the same things we want from his side of the relationship as well. But the sooner we get over ourselves the trust will grow quickly and we all can be about the business of loving and enjoying each other.
Wa Billahi Tawfeeq