Where Shall I Start…

Posted: January 18, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I have no idea.  Maybe I should start from the end and work my way back to the beginning… that sounds easier than anything else, I guess.  So here goes.  I am living in Cairo, Egypt now and I love it.  Busy streets, people shuffling from one place to another.  All the beautiful sounds of the city, blaring and beeping from sun-up to sundown.  I used to dream that I would be here someday, walking these streets.  Living this life.  I didn’t know how it would ever come about, but it has and I am grateful.  I lived for a short time overseas and I loved it so much, but I had to leave and I always desired to return to living amongst the muslims.  After returning to the US, I became severely homesick.  I was so depressed that, in the end, it started affecting my marriage and my friendships, even the interaction with my children.  So,  I prayed and prayed about it and finally my husband agreed to let me leave by myself.  I figured maybe it would be easier for me to leave and he be in charge of getting everyone over.  So we chose Egypt and needless to say it was an excellent choice.  There are so many opportunities for study and empowerment here. 

The downfall of it all was that a great big chasm grew between my husband and I.  He didn’t understand how horrible I felt that we were still in the US.  And part of me blamed his adventure in polygyny for our stagnation and damnation to be stuck in darul-kufr.  He spent a lot of money that could have went towards our tickets and settling in overseas.  I’m sorry but that’s how I felt; that the big “P” had thrown a monkey wrench in our plans.  I soon got over it and alhamdulillah was able to see things clearer, but by then the damage was done.   I realized a little too late that whatever was for me; was for me and no-one or nothing could prevent me from my qadr.  Not money or lack thereof, or a co-wife or the lack thereof, or anyone’s bad feeling or evil wishes.  I learned that silently blaming is just as bad as shouting it to the wind.  So here I am and actually here we all are.  May Allah bless us all and keep our feet firmly on his path, ameen.  More later I guess….

Khayr Insha’allah

  1. L says:

    As Salaamu Alaikum sis,

    Welcome back! It has been a loooooong time since I have read anything from you so it is good to see you are still around. I will be reading…

    Also, would love to get information from you about living in Egypt as it is something I plan to do with my family in the coming years, insha Allah.

  2. ummshudah says:

    As-salaam Alaikum sister, just came across your blog, my husband is looking into polygny, in in order to revive a sunnah and help a sister in need of support- he’s still looking, i understand the whys, and am trying to keep shaitan at bay, i’m reading your blog and others liek yours to prepare myself and learn more abotu the realities fo polgny…

  3. I was approached by a brother, who proposed marriage to me out of the blue. I was surprised by this as men generally have a reputation of being afraid of commitment. I had never thought of myself as a second wife, just hadnt entered my head. I had been practising for two and a half years by then & been divorced a year ago.

    He was very respectful, told me the qualities he had noticed in me. That he was looking for a second wife. After my initial shock & refusal I told him I would need to know his wife was in agreement of this, as i didnt like the idea of hurting another woman & I am an honest & open person.

    He said it was a subject that had been discussed in the household, his wife had never ruled it out, had said ‘we’ll see’. She is an English revert, a good practising wife and mother. He said she had no short falls, Masha Allah in any area of their marriage. This was good to hear. He is a good practising man, Masha Allah.

    Initially, when he broached her about it, she said positive things such as, ‘I would want her to come out with us as a family for meals, I would be protective of her etc etc’

    These comments warmed me to the idea of being a co-wife. I read the book ‘From Monomagy to Polygyny: A Way Through’ written by 2 female writers . Then I got a bit scared, when a possible meeting was mentioned, though nothing was arranged in the end.

    Then when it was brought up again, i think it became a reality for a her to deal with. During a discussion she became angry & threw something at him. Since then he has let things lie low, but still doesn’t want to rule out the idea of wanting to take a second wife.

    He says he doesnt know how to progress it further without fueling her anger again. Any advise for this brother on what steps to take next?
    He wants to reassure his wife & for her to start seeing Polygyny in a more positive light & steer her thinking towards it, Insha Allah

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