Seeking The Night of Power…

Posted: September 24, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

As Ramadhan winds down, my family seeks out the Night of Power. Laylatul Qadr is a special night that signifies our last chance during this special month to be forgiven and have our supplications answered. We stand in prayer in the late hours of the 9th, 7th, 5th, 3rd or last night of the last 10 nights, asking Allah to pardon us our loose tongues, flip lips, arrogant and boastful ways and our ingratitude to all the good Allah allows us in this world. We throw up a heartfelt plea for forgiveness and a lofty station in the next world, even though we know we don’t deserve it. Or as i tell my children, “If Allah gives you what you really deserve, this world would have ceased to exist millions of years ago.” It is only by His mercy that we get jannah, that we are blessed and guided. 

This month we fasted, we had family talks and classes about perfecting the salat and we prayed taraweeh in the masjid/qiyamul layl at home. We gave a few iftars and attended some others.

And my husband divorced my co-wife. She asked for the khul’a. He granted it.

I expect he will try to marry again, I am still recovering from the emotions of it all and wondering why it didn’t work after all of the effort and good intentions. Allahu Musta’an.

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Comments
  1. Halal_Wife4him says:

    As Salaamu Alaykum

    I ask Allah, the Most Generous, the Lord of the Tremendous Throne to protect you and your family in this world and in the hereafter. And to bless you all family wherever you are and to make you all from those who are grateful when they are given, patient when they are tested, and those who seek forgiveness when they sin, For verily, those are the three signs of happiness. Ameen

  2. MoCo says:

    Assalamu alaykum,

    Im so sorry to hear that. Inshallah whatever happened, happened for the best. Inshallah you tribe will continue to grow when it is for the best.

    Assalamu alaykum

    MoCo

  3. lifeagift says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I was linked to your blog while reading an expats life in egypt. The topics of polygamy/polygyny/polandry have held my interest for more than a decade.

    I’m married to a born and raised muslim and prior to or marriage he promised not to take another wife. Funny thing is that wasn’t a promise I asked of him just one he felt compeeled to make becasue of my line of questioning and the stereotypes shared by onlookers. I left it out of our marriage contract and figure we’d cross that bridge if we ever got to it.

    So over the years some sistah friends and I have frequently held this conversation. Is it necessary in todays society? Haven’t many of us already experienced a spiritually bankrupting version of one of the above in our serial monogamous escapades and relationships? Won’t we by default have to participate if we wan to see more harmony in the world?

    I’m open to polygyny for my households, most days, but for all the wrong reason (islamically speaking). I desire a sistah friend who’s as close as blood…like the Delany sisters. I want to see my husband completed by a woman that I’m not interested in becoming. I want to travel alone and know that he is well sexually, spiritually and emotionally. I’m not as covetous over my last set of children as I was over the first, so I’m open to the assistance of a sisterwife in their upbringing. I’m tired of “some” of the household stuff and would love to have a BSmith type come on over and do her thang. She can even have 4 days with him, I’ll take 3. Not because I don’t love him but because I love him so much that i believe another could satisfy his needs better than me, REALLY.

    I’m also bored and want the freedom to not be so accountable, not that I desire to be invoved with another man, but i desire to be more involved with me. I desire more time to serve the community, more reading time, more education time, more career developing time.

    I married late, relatively speaking, but I’ve been parenting my entire adult life. So I’m just ready for a bit more adventure and a little less of the traditional.

    Financially hubby couldn’t hang, and I’m not open to working FT so that he could fund the lifestyle of another. But hey that scenario happens all the time. Especially with brother that pay ample child support to their prior wives ( legal or not).

    What I do believe is that in our westernized society many families have an adulterated version of “cowifes” she just goes by a different name…

    ~An assortment of government programs supplementing household income
    ~Public/ Private Educators to teach but more often warehouse the children
    ~Daycare and nannies to mother the young
    ~ Internet and videos to provide “adullt entertainment” of the X variety
    ~Housekeepers
    ~Chefs/cooks
    ~Personal assistants
    ~Secretaries
    etc…

    I don’t say this to demean the status of the 2nd or 3rd cowife but to point out that many of us are maintaining our household with some form of outside assistance. The difference is, these other relationships often lack love, spirtual continuity or congruent motives.

    Well so much for all that…

    Enjoy the journey and be encouraged!

  4. BILQEES says:

    Assalamu alaykum,

    I’m a first wife too.We were extremely happily married for 12years(and still are,algamdulilah),when hubby married her.I always knew he wanted another wife so when he was ready,or so he thought,it was no use to postpone the inevitable.It’s been 4years now and 2kids later,I have 6,she’s got 4kids from a previous marriage,so we both have 6.At the time he married her we both had 4kids,and both of us became pregnant the same time,twice.He has always been sweet,loving,funny,respectful,passionate and still is.To #2 things are different,probably due to the fact that she was pretending to be someone she’s not and hubby can see her true colours now.Now he resents her for being part of the reason I was hurt so much and he sees now that she never wanted to share really,like she claimed,she wnted to have him all to herself.They’re still married,even though he devorced her twice already,so she only has one left.I must agree with you when you say why should my life change just because there’s a new addition to the family.If anybody has to change it should be them.We have never been friends and i actually cant stand her.She’s pretends to be pious,but then again,would a pious woman seek solace from a married man in the hopes of him feeling sorry for her and marrying her?Allahu a’lam.

    Make dua 4me,I’ll make dua 4u.
    Bilqees

    • tabarakallah says:

      Polygyny can be seriously hard to adjust to when you been married for a long time and you’ve built your life around each other and are used to one way of doing things. Be careful of looking for reasons to look down on your sister-wife. “She is not sincere”, “He just married her for charity,” “She isn’t as pretty as me.”, ect. All of these are distructive thoughts. Polygyny should be looked at kinda like carpooling. I know that sounds crazy but seriously. We all have a destination to get to (Jannah, the pleasure of Allah) we invite another sister/family to ride with us along the way (polygyny). This person is a guest in our lives that we decided to share our journey with, we make them comfortable, we be polite and we try not to be judgemental or combative as this will make a long ride unbearable. It’s not a free ride, everyone must pull his on weight and pay his own dues. And an old carmate is much better than a brand new one, so keep that in mind as well.

      May Allah give us all a smooth ride and help us reach our destinations quickly…ameen.

  5. BILQEES says:

    I agree with you 100%,but what if #2 openly verbally abuses you in the ugliest way.And I’ll be honest,it was because just like our beloved Nabie Mugammad (saw) could’nt help having more love for Ayesha(ra),and everyone knew,so too my husband can’t help it either.She was so bitter about the fact that she knew it and kept nagging him about it that he just came out and said it.Despite that,I still tried having get togethers so that we cuold perhaps connect and overcome,but the woman wants what she wants.No muslim should allow himself to be oppressed and humiliated by another,so why should I keep on taking all this crap.Should’nt she also do her part in trying to be friends and atleast try to compromise seeing that she’s the one who got into ‘our car’.She’s abusive on the phone,she ignores me in public,and believe me,I’ve never had encounters of this kind until now.i don’t know if I’m right,but I feel I”ve done my bit and if she and hubby wants this to work they should make the effort,not me.I’m just so tired and need to concentrate on my priorities which is living my life as a proper muslim,raising my kids in the best islamic way and being a good wife.That’s the way I feel,but if anyone has advice for me,I’ll welcome it with open arms,because a reminder is good for a believer.

    May ALLAH guide and protect us,aameeen.

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