My Ummah, My Ummah, pt. 3

Posted: September 16, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Maybe, as a people, we are not ready to deal with the blessings, benefits and challenges of Polygyny. The further our generations get away from the advent of Islam and the life of our teacher, Muhammad (saw), the weaker and more watered down we become with our faith and understanding or even forbearance. We are far from the best generation or in other terms we do not even sum up to a pimple on the behinds of our illustrious predecessors (Allah be pleased with them).

I am saying this to say that, we as muslims have a high mortality rate as far as marriage goes as it is. Sisters don’t know how to be wives and brothers don’t know how to be husbands. And of course the children are the ones who suffer. So how can we factor Polygyny into this abyss of ignorance and failure? How do we expect it to turn out successfully when we can’t handle what is already on our plates. My finger isn’t pointing at the brothers or the sisters. Rather my arms are outstretched, encompassing all of us in an embrace that allows the canopy of guilt to fall upon everyone of us simultaneously, collectively. The statics of divorce due to failed polygynous marriages makes the head swim. The first wife leaves because of the second or the second because of the first or both previously mentioned wives leave because of the third and sometimes the man leaves everybody because he can’t cope with the drama that comes from three women sharing one man.  Certain things have to be in place in order for Polygyny to be successful:

1.  Fear of Allah- This commodity kills many of the ills that come in to play because it is deadly against wayward desires, injustice and the ever present desire to manipulate situations to one’s own benefit, which could in turn inspire ill feelings for all involved parties.

2.  Knowledge of the rights and Responsibilities Polygyny Entails- This prevents false impressions, erroneous expectations and gives everyone an even playing field upon which to tread.

3.  Correct Understanding of Marriage in General- see item #2.

4.  Patience- Safety mechanism in case items 1-3 are not presence or become disabled.

5. General Desire for Good Towards All Involved Parties- This along with item #4 strengthen the possibilities for success if items #1-3 are weak or shaky in constitution.

There is no fail-safe recipe for success and marriage cannot be viewed as a fly-by-night endeavor. Meaning, marriage must be viewed as a long-term situation. This goes for monogamy and polygyny. No one wants to go through the emotional turmoil and upheaval that is the norm only to have the marriage dissolve after 4 measly weeks. Or two weeks. Or two days or two hours even. Wa Billahi Tawfeeq.

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Comments
  1. ummtravis says:

    “The further our generations get away from the advent of Islam and the life of our teacher, Muhammad (saw), the weaker and more watered down we become with our faith and understanding or even forbearance.”

    You sure hit the nail on the head! But this isnt just in regards to polygyny. This is everything I think. Here in Egypt, they dont like women who wear niqab, they are too “extreme”… same with beards and separation os sexes… and polygyny… well!!!

    Allah help us, and the Muslim ummah, ameen.

  2. 3rd... says:

    added u to my blogroll..hope u don’t mind – if so, let me know

  3. Halal_Wife4him says:

    As Salaamu Alaykum Uhkti

    Everything you said is the absolute Haaq. There is a lot we all must learn not only about ourselves but also this Deen before we can be true to everyone involved. Knowledge is suppose to precede speach and action. The speech sounds good, the action is desirable but if the knowledge was obtain they would slowly back away.

    I know that polygyny is a hard pill for some to swallow. And I can’t say that I know what you are going through. The several times it was attempted in my family it fell through before it got started. May Allah give us Sabr . Ameen

    May Allah protect us from the destruction of our desires. Ameen

  4. Halal_Wife4him says:

    I ask Allah, the Most Generous, the Lord of the Tremendous Throne to protect you in this world and in the hereafter. And to bless you wherever you are and to make you from those who are grateful when they are given, patient when they are tested, and those who seek forgiveness when they sin, For verily, those are the three signs of happiness. Ameen

  5. Hidden Sage says:

    I came across your blog through 3rd’s blog roll. I’ll keep checking out your updates every now and then. Keep it up, it’s all really interesting 🙂

  6. Assalaamu alaikum my dearest Sister! I spent a lot of time tonight reading your wonderful blog and the (polygynous) changes that have taken place since I was here last. I really have to say I love and admire you for your wonderful atittude–that this is for Allah and the good of the ummah. I also love your honesty, and how with each entry you move closer and closer to accepting that this is right for you, your family and the deen of Islam. Your growth is incredible and inspiring. May Allah reward you and keep your family strong in the Haqq. I have actually done a post on my blog about you because I truly admire you and your journey. With love and peace and all good wishes for you and yours. Peace always!

  7. superhijaabi says:

    I’m new to your blog sister. I think you are very strong in the way you handle your marriage, and your attitude also. I guess we never know how Allah will test us. I’m not married, but if I was in your shoes I’m not sure if I could handle it.

  8. safraz says:

    This is from a video from brother Khalid Yasin who I am sure many of you are familar with – I have a habit of typing out talks to get a better understanding – partly due to my innate book reading quality
    Here it from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcdNW-0IxnU

    The stats are regarding UK in 2005
    78,000-83000 of the 118,000 people are single Muslim women
    82000 people will remain single for at least 6-7 years before finding a prospective husband
    for Muslim women they will be 21 on average when they start looking for a spouse.
    In many cases the muslim women will not get married until they are 27 or 28 years
    30% of single muslim women remain single for 14 years before getting married

    49,000 young muslim men need a spouse
    82,000 young women looking towards marriage
    ratio of single Muslim sisters to single Muslim brother is 1.7

    These are the statistics of the UK NOT any islamic centre

    Please be forgiving as I may have slight errors of interpretation though I listened to it many times to correct it

    So as far as I am concerned pologomy is no longer a pleasure and shuld ne viewed as a way to rectify the situation
    BUT many muslim men do not fit the criteria to provide this answer so it is a dilemma or a paradox (or for me – a Catch 22)

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