Listen Up, Ladies!!!

Posted: August 29, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

I have a question. Who says that just because my husband takes another wife, I have to change MY relationship with him. Why do I have to act like he doesn’t exist when he leaves my house? Why do I have to pretend that I am only married to him every other two days and alternate Saturday’s?

This is not what polygyny is about. He is my husband, too (and was for a long time before you came along). If I need him, I will call. I will laugh at his jokes, send him a plate of food and ask you if he is well, in case you answer the phone.

You, dear co-wife are an ADDITION to our humble family. You knew he had a wife and kids. My relationship with him doesn’t have to change, you have to establish whatever you and he will have together.

And that doesn’t mean that I disappear.

I’m fair. I am kind. I am generous. I am your sister-in-Islam.

And I am still his wife.

  1. 3rd... says:

    owh, the bickering has started… you have a completely valid point.. you will find that you’re ideas of plural marriage will be something different that your co-wife’s and your husband will be pulled back and forth between both
    hope you pull through it all

  2. Halal_Wife4him says:

    As Salaamu Alaykum

    As a current wife whose husband is in the process of marrying a second wife Ukhti all I can really say about this entry is that….


  3. MoCo says:

    I love this blog. Subhanallah. i hope that everything will work out for you and your newer bigger family.

    ~ Peace till next time… MoCo

  4. Safa says:

    So very true words…….and unfortunately…..the will only ring true for so long…..eventually just about everyone wants to fade into the woodwork…..

    may Allah make you steadfast…ameen!

  5. Jannah says:

    Assalamu alaikom Ukhti. I just came across your blog about 2 hours ago.. Imagine my elbows on my desk with my hand holding my chin. Reading and re-reading your blog entries. You have a very interesting blog. I will add you to my book marks..
    Ramadan kareem!

  6. Mai says:

    As salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

    What a blessing and a pleasure to meet you! After reading your blog, especially the polygyny and Quran/Arabic learning posts, I’m beginning to think you are my twin, lol!

    I have been in polygyny twice before. The first was a super failure that my husband had a lot to learn from. The second, a two week wonder that proves that it is extremely important to see your prospective spouse face to face. Now, we are back in polygyny for a third time…but throughout it all, I’m still me and we are still us. If we, the first wives, don’t sweat it and just keep on trucking with what we have built up over the years, there really isn’t any major issue to deal with. It is up to the subsequent wife/wives to establish something meaningful and workable in their own marriages.

    I’m adding you to my blog roll… you’re a sister who I would like to sit with over cappuccino and biscotti, mashaa’Allah.

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