Why Am I Doing This Again?

Posted: August 17, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

I am doing this.

I am commited to it.

I will see it through, Insha’allah.


1.  It’s the right thing to do. All of the reasons I can think of not to do polygyny are selfish. (who will tread upon the path that is steep?) I want him to myself. I don’t want to open up my life to a stranger. I like things how they used to be. All selfish. But what about giving comfort and security to my sister? Something that Allah has blessed me with. As if to say, once i was hungry and Allah blessed me with food and now I don’t want to share my plate.

2. I want this for my husband. He is a man’s man. And he enjoys striving and being responsible. This has been such a wake up call for him. It has shaken him out of his comfort zone. And he wants to do this fisibilillah. Our situation is not about nafs (desires) but about the needs of others. I pray that Allah will accept his effort and give him Jannah because of it.

3. I love my huband and my family. I don’t want my weaknesses to be the destroyer of it all. I have always been a runner. I run away from anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. To run now, would mean I am basically a chump. Running from the proverbial kitchen because the heat is unbearable.

4. I want this for myself. I want to prove my salt. I am not better than the Mother’s of the Believers (wives of the Prophet) I want to be rewarded for doing the hard work as well. I draw closer to Allah through this. and the focus is no longer on the passion of my marriage (although that is stronger than ever) but more on attaining the pleasure of Allah by not allowing the shaitan to win.

5. I want this for her. She is a good, generous and kind sister. She has had to rely upon herself and Allah for a long time, while maintaining her Islam. She has so many good qualities. How far am I from being in her shoes? And who would help me if the shoe were on someone else’s foot.

I am resolved.

I pray for success.

I’m taking off my gloves and I’m not running away, insha’allah.

Make du’a for us.

  1. Pippin says:

    May Allah help you and give you, your husband, and your co-wife strength. Sister you story is very touching. I pray that you and your family will always be happy.

    ~ Pippin

  2. Halal_Wife4him says:

    As Salaamu Alaykum Sis,

    Everytime I read your blog it is as if my thoughts are forming on your page. My husband has not taken the plunge yet but he has come close. And the closer he gets to it, the closer I get to a breakdown. But when I read your words I think the same way but my emotions just won’t let go. Insha Allah we will make it through all of the struggles that befall us. May Allah give you the best in this life and the best in the next. Ameen

  3. MoCo says:

    Assalamu alaykum sister,

    wow. you blog always pulls me in. your a great writer. I read all your posts one day while sitting at work.

    Inshallah i will be praying for you and your family. Remember what your doing is a very important and virtuous act. There are so few people who would even think about reviving this sunnah.

    my friend always said “Dont trip…Allah’s got your back.”

    Peace ~ MoCo

  4. Muhammad says:

    AsSalaamu A’laikum,

    My soon-to-be ex-wife is a runner and for the 6 years that we were together it was me holding her down and petting her feathers. I know as a runner this must be hard for you. The thing to do is to stay focused on your test and master the tests that are presented to you. You will have to work on your relationship daily. The talks that you have must be meaningful and the things that you work on must be deep and not superficial. Become family oriented. I did research on polygamy as I have been thinking about it for quite a while and actually did it for 48 hours and I have found that some of the most stable polygamy by research standards are the African models where you have a head wife and the husband is the sustainer of the family and the wives work together for the maximum benefit of the children. This differed from Arab models where the polygyny was male centered and most of the emphasis was on the male and his happiness or personal status. You must remember the most important thing in all of this is the children and ensuring that their needs are met first and foremost. Insha Allah when the front window is smeared look out the side window, or roll it down and stick your head out, it is all what you focus on.

    Wa A’laikum AsSalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

  5. Umm Travis says:

    assalamu alaykum sis,

    your story is very touching and your efforts in shaa Allah will be rewarded. May Allah bless u and make it easy ameen.

  6. ummafnaan says:

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

    You are one tough cookie ukhti. May Allah continue to strengthen you.

  7. tabarakallah says:

    I am a runner, and for over 10 years my husband has refused to let me get away. He would pat my feathers, pull me down out of the tree (by force or with sweets) but he never clipped my wings, he never put me in a cage. He would just always be there waiting for me to calm down and come back. I love him for it. And I ran for all the wrong reasons, frivolous and stupid. Maybe I will post one of those incidents. If I run now, it not only confirms my “track” record, it also confirms my “cowardice.” When the going gets tough the weak go running. I don’t believe that about myself. I’m going to prove that he didn’t do all that chasing for someone not worth the race, insha’allah.

  8. 3rd... says:

    hi, i found your blog while searching the internet for polygyny, I am 3rd of 4. If it’s allright with you I’d like to add you to my blogroll. You decribe your feelings so well, it’s like reading my own thoughts in many ways.
    thank you for sharing

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