When You Get What You Ask For…

Posted: July 9, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Last night I helped prepare my husband to go to his new wife’s house.

This is the moment we have all waited for, years of sit-downs, months of change of hearts. Now he is finally married. He took a shower after work, gathered up a few changes of clothes and put them in a walmart bag (a suitcase was more than he and I could stomach) and with a kiss and salaam, walked out the door.

I have cheerleaded this event for so long, I didn’t know how I would feel when it actually happened. Everyone says, “You mean well, Khair, but it’s different when you’re in it.” It’s been about 18 hours, so how do I really feel?

I feel a little lonely and a little fragile. It’s weird to have someone enter our sanctuary built from 12 years of struggles, triumphs, worries, fears and joys. What will the effects be. Will their presence enhance what we have, building upon what we’ve begun to make it stronger and more vivid? Or will there be destruction, ripping away bits and pieces of our peace, love and happiness. It’s a delicate situation.

The kids are excited. They love the sister and have been raised to have positive feelings about polygyny. Professor X rubbed his hands together fiendishly and said (mind you is is 10): “Now Abi has two houses to take care of, boy that’s gonna be some hard work. But guess what? I’m gonna have all four.” The girls already want to spend the night and are looking forward to all the Step-mommy gifts.

Before Hubby left he called me upstairs to our room and we joked a little bit and laughed. Then he looked at me seriously and held my hands in his and said: ” You still love me?” I hugged him close and said “You know I do, of course I do.” He pushed away a little so that he could look in my eyes and asked quietly: “You promise?”

  1. Jayleigh says:

    I came across your blog today… I can’t remember how. I was surfing, I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to say how incredibly brave you are to write such a heartfelt and honest post about your husband and his new wife.

    I do not share your background and so I don’t understand much about this, but your honesty and real emotions moved me very much. I pray you all do very well in this new phase of your lives.

  2. tabarakallah says:

    Thanx for stopping by Jayleigh I’m always glad to get new guests. As you may have guessed, I am a muslim and muslim men are allowed to have up to four wives. I wish I could give you more background to explain maybe in a future post. In the meantime look around and feel free to post comments and/or ask questions.

  3. Umm Travis says:

    assalamu alaykum

    ma shaa Allah, may Allah always keep your strong and in good eman.

    keep it up sis. its not easy 😉

  4. Muhammad says:

    Wow that was really moving, maybe one day if I ever get married again I may embark on such a journey, but after all of the drama in my life the luster of polygamy has faded to black. Maybe if my heart recovers I will love again, but I don’t think I will ever be able to love this hard again, but Allah makes miracles.

  5. UmmAbdullah says:

    assalamu ‘alaiki wa rahmatullaahi wa abrakatuhu

    wow ! i know it was hard to deal with but don’t give up anyway and keep ur marriage strong insha’allaah

  6. oshkosh says:


    i came across your blog by accident… anyway, really impressed with you, with what you’ve wrote.. how strong u are… suddently I feel like i love my wife very much to ever let her feel what you’ve felt..

  7. Mimz says:

    Salaam dear sister,
    Firstly let me say, I truly admire you. I have the utmost respect for you and may the Almighty always have mercy and shower his richest blessings on you. Truly you are a remarkable human being. I do not know of anyone who would go through what you have and still sound so bubbly and happy.

    May the Almighty make the rest of your journey with your husband, children and your new extended family a rich, happy and blessed one.

  8. Kris says:

    Assalam alaikum
    I read your post and the last part about when your husband was leaving made me cry. Subhanallah.
    May Allah make the path you tread less steep and may he bless you for helping out another sister, inshallah.

  9. As salaamu alakium,
    I am VERY impressed by what I have read so far. I will keep reading. I think the way you BOTH are handeling this is good. Inshaallah this will be a good big “P” story. there are too many bad ones

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