Views on Polygyny, pt.2

Posted: March 19, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

I didn’t mean to rile anyone up with any statements and trust me whatever opinion that I now hold, has come from deep soul-searching within myself.

I am not talking about sisters who are married to “dogish” men. I am talking about when you have a loving, intelligent, responsible, god-fearing husband. All of that benefit doesn’t stop with polygyny. A man doesn’t stop loving you because he has another wife.

You are correct that it is your right not to stay in a polygynous marriage. And some polygynous marriages can go awfully wrong, no doubt. But for those that enter and stick it out, what makes a woman stay and share her husband with another woman. This is the big question that we are seeing even in the news today.

Women are staying because they value the relationship. It doesn’t matter that he has or wants another wife, as long as he is treating us right. Women date married men and stay in relationships for years. At least in Islam, it comes with the honor of marriage and responsibility.

Really Bad analogy: If a woman had an oppurtunity to have a relationship with someone like say Will Smith or some big name like that, he agrees to set you up, take care of you and confesses his undying love to you, would you do it (in the dunya not islam) the only catch being, he doesn’t want to leave his wife. Most women would do it. How many times does a man like Will come along. He’s rich, handsome, he’s powerful in the public arena…. big perks.Well, to me a man who fears Allah, sacrificing himself everyday to please Allah, working hard to maintain me and our children in Islam, this is more noble an aim in my eyes, this is more worthy to be supported. And wanting for my sister what I want for myself. I want another sister to be able to benefit from the same security that I have, the same support.

And lastly, Are we really better than our mothers? The prophet had nine wives. Other sahabah of the prophet (saw) had multiple wives. Are we better than them? Is there not a need for the men of our communitites to take care of the women? The prophet said there will come a time when there will be 40 women to every one man.

It’s definetly a choice. I just hope for my sisters not to be too knee-jerk in their reactions, dismantling their families and causing more harm than is necessary to their children. Every situation is not prfect or will be successful, but with the proper intention and efforts to make things work from all parties, it could be in the end a fulfilling relationship.

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Comments
  1. browngurl says:

    Salam sister,

    Whatever happens with your situation regarding ur marriage or 2nd wife i hope that it happens in the best way possible! I have read sooo many horror stories over the last year. It becomes very depressing to the point where one doesnt even want to be married to begin with. It is nice to see a muslims show maturity and respect when dealing with this subject for once!

  2. Raazia Sabera says:

    Assalam o alaikum,

    subhan Allah, Wow!!! i love what you have written and i want have the same feelings about my husband taking a second wife… its just TRUST IN ALLAH that can make miracles happen….it can make every thing work out fine if you just leave the reigns of your life in His Hands… thank you for putiing up such a beautiful blog

    i’m new here and glad to have ppl around who can understand this side of life….although my dad has two families and i’m from the second one,ppl just come up to me and tell me what would you go through if your husband were to do the same to you…like get another wife…
    i ahve a friend who’s dad got married again after staying married to her mom for 35 years… so when i met the second wife my friend got really upset and told me to chose a side…the second wife…. or my friend and her family?
    its stupid because there is no side apart from the side of Allah… if He is All-wise and All-knowing and He loves us more than 70 moms than why would He allow men to get married again so that we can go through pain as women… where is our faith in Him, Where is Our trust in Him…. what would a woman do if after living in a palace and all world class facilities and money she has to leave all that and start living in a shack built over the gutter line with no gas or electricity.. would she not say “its not fair, Im not used to this.., my life is ruined, why did Allah have to be like this…” well even then like Hazrat Ayub A.S, a good Muslim woman should say Thank you Allah for my eyes and nose etc… and even if she becomes disabled she can say thank you Allah for taking away my eyes so i’m prevented from seeing things that give me gunnah…
    i know we’re not angels but in the real world we can strive to be like one … shouldnt we???..so if we lose our husband after 35 years or he goes crazy after 35 years then even we have to be thankful, for Allah does the best for us…. always…..always…..always
    my dear sisters… no matter what… always remember allah is greater and more powerful than any one or any body
    some one once said to me…
    if God takes you to the edge of a cliff, he’ll either catch you or he’ll teach you to fly…
    please lt me know your point of view…
    prove to me from the quran and sunnah where getting a second wife(not talking about the equality issue-just the act itself) is a sin…
    love to all

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